A selfie (I threw up in my mouth a little when I typed that word) from about two years ago. The fat necklace is proudly visible.

Ugliness – My Right.


A selfie (I threw up in my mouth a little when I typed that word) from about two years ago. The fat necklace is proudly visible.

A selfie (I threw up in my mouth a little when I typed that word) from about two years ago. The fat necklace is proudly visible.

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a long while now, because I think it is something important that is worth saying, both on my part and on the part of anybody else who feels this way about themselves, and to anybody who finds that this way of thinking is a sad thing that denotes low self-esteem, when it actually has more to do with self-identification and wanting to self-identify in whatever way we want.

So, here goes:

I am ugly.

Naturally, this is not the first time I have said this. As somebody who has had the severe misfortune of being a teenager before, I used to declare myself ugly all the time, just like pretty much everybody else around me. Back then I said it primarily to gain sympathy and maybe a denying comment or two. “You’re not ugly Gillian, what are you saying?” “C’mon, I’d kill for your hair/legs/eyes.” “You’d be stunning if you lost some weight,” etc etc. I enjoyed these comments, although to be fair they did not come very often. Certainly not as often as they did to the prettier people around me.

Anyway, it has been a fair few years since then. My appearance hasn’t changed much in the past decade or so, apart from my weight fluctuating a bit. I’ve always had the same thin hair, red cheeks, weird body shape, substantial amount of “extra, unnecessary, dangerous” weight, small piggy eyes, bad posture, I talk out of one side of my mouth, I could go on. While I am aware that attractiveness is very much a subjective entity and what is seen as attractive changes with the comings and goings of fashion, in early 21st Century Australian/British society I have a combination of aesthetic features that are not pleasing to the eyes of people who do not know and like the person within. These features are pleasing to people who know and like me, because they associate them with the me that they know and like. But to complete strangers, yeah – I am ugly. And today I would like to put forth the radical notion that that… might actually be okay.

I have pretty much always identified as ugly, I would say. What has been interesting to me is how my attitude towards this self-identification has changed over the years. As a teenager I hated it almost as much as I hated being fat, and I can’t say I was thrilled about it during my early university years either. But as I got more into fat acceptance and the like, I grew to be more accepting of my ugliness as well. Nowadays I think I am just about at the stage where my ugliness is a part of me. I don’t love it, but I definitely don’t hate it either. In a weird way I find myself almost attached to it, because it is a part of how I see myself.

There have been a few times where I have been wearing my “fat” necklace and been asked about it. I tell these people that I wear it because I am fat and I’m not ashamed of it. And more than once, the person I have been talking to has quickly said “but you’re not fat!” And I found myself getting really annoyed. Being fat is a part of me, and when they say I am not fat, it is like they are refusing to acknowledge a part of me and a part of my identity.

Having said that, I would not necessarily feel as annoyed if somebody were to say “but you’re not ugly!”, because, as I said before, ugliness is a subjective thing. While it can be seen quite blatantly that I am definitely larger in girth than most of the people around me, it is not beyond the realms of possibility that there might be some people out there who genuinely think I’m the epitome of hot stuff, and I’m hardly going to begrudge them for that. But they will have to understand that I, and most of society around me, do not share their opinion. But that is okay. It does not make me any less of a person or incapable of enjoying my life or the world around me or whatever else.

The point I am trying to laboriously make here, is that I choose to self-identify as ugly. Not because of my low self esteem or because I am a woman and therefore should not under any circumstances dare to think of myself as beautiful (a topic for another blog post, I think), but because I am not stupid or blindly unaware of what society deems attractive in this day and age, and I know that I do not fit that mould (a mould that is actually not necessarily as restrictive as people may think. That might again have to wait for another blog post). I have the right to self-identify as ugly, and I will fight to ensure that that right is not taken away from me.

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547 comments on “Ugliness – My Right.

  1. Was I supposed to not laugh while reading this, because I did chuckle a little bit at your whatever…bluntness I guess.

    The only people I’ve ever seen and thought, “damn, that’s an ugly person” are people who are mean. A person with a great personality, sense of humor, gift of gab, whatever, will never be ugly to me. They can be fat, yes, but not ugly. Lol. Thanks for sharing.

    • Oh no, I always encourage laughter. I like to think of myself as a comedic writer more than a writer of any other style.
      Yeah, that’s a good point. I certainly don’t have any ugly friends, in that sense. Thanks for reading. :)

      • @donofalltrades – I think that goes along with her point of people loving her for her. “These features are pleasing to people who know and like me, because they associate them with the me that they know and like.”
        I, too, only find people “ugly” when they are being mean. I’ve picked some of what society may consider their most “beautiful” out and found flaws only after they’ve said something cruel or hurtful.

        @fashionhustler It was an interesting perspective on identifying ones self… and it made me chuckle also :) Thanks for sharing!

      • @ thewholeworld, when you are seeing some one in the street and they are bigger in size than you, you will positively think of them as fat or muscular or whatever. As everyone knows, its just the moment that acts upon us; being fat, being ugly, being beautiful, everything is just a perspective and @fatshiohustler may I suggest not you to be associated with any of the aforesaid terms cos they are plain stupid. or would you term me as mean to say that?

  2. I really admire you making the statement about ugly to all to read. I myself don’t see you ugly at all but it to me takes guts to write your true feelings down for all to read. Awesome!

  3. You are what you want to be. I also thought I was not handsome but I ended up with a lovely wife and three great children. Thank God they favor my wife. What is more important is the spirit within and that seems to be in your case a wonderful person.

  4. I wish we lived in a world where what a woman looks like isn’t what defines us. Even you, like most, define yourself with a visual adjective. Either way, brave post. I think you’re pretty cool. ;)

    • Well, I think it is worth baring in mind, amidst all of this talk of not defining yourself by how you look, that how you look IS still a part of you. It just shouldn’t be as big a part as it often seems to be. While I might identify as ugly, I also identify as smart, non-religious, able-bodied, maths-loving, history-hating, INTJ… I could go on. But this post wasn’t really about any of that other stuff. Anyway, I appreciate the compliment, and thanks so much for reading!

  5. What a great straight forward post! I love how you claim your freedom to state for yourself how you see yourself. And still- what if you take that freedom of mind another step further? What if you if you claim for yourself -knowing that you don´t fit that stupid mould that is mainly made to make people unhappy with themselves- that you ARE beautiful? Just trying on the sound of it, for a while looking at the parts of you that you can find beautiful or others have mentioned to you as beautiful, just playing with this private rebellion against a frame fencing in beauty that is just too narrow for most of us anyway?
    …yes, well I might be just another person like the ones you mentioned above saying”…but you´re not…”, and still I write because I think a little excursion into self love can be a lot of fun, too. Love, Carla
    …oh and I also love your post on male dominated society :O)

    • Thank you for the amazing comment! And I absolutely agree about the importance of that sort of self-love, and finding aspects of yourself that are beautiful and loving those. It is something I have been endeavoring to do lately. Really, I think this is quite a complex issue and there are a lot of ways to go about thinking about it. I’m honoured that you’ve taken my way of thinking into account. Thanks so much for reading!

    • I was thinking the same thing. As I was staring at my own hotness in the mirror, it occurred to me that, according to my own understanding of what “people” think, most people would not appreciate exactly how hot I am. But if I let what other people think about my body or anything else about me seep too far in, I think I might go insane from the cognitive dissonance. To some I am calm, to come I am dramatic, to some I am intimidating, to others I am timid. The discourse those outside of your head are willing to make up about you can be crazy-making. I like the idea of accepting the reality of other people’s perceptions, which is what it sounds like you’re doing here, but, for my own sanity’s sake, I steer away from internalizing it unless there’s something I, too, want to work on.

      • Thank you for the thought-provoking comment.
        Part of the reason why I wrote this was because I like the idea of taking ownership of my perception of myself. And that, I think, is powerful. Despite the word ‘ugly’ having connotations, I do not see it that way because I am owning it. It’s a difficult thing to articulate, but it’s there.

      • I think I get it. You’re reappropriating a term that has been used to do damage to uplift yourself and by doing so, refusing the damage and claiming a lot of power. It’s a strategy with mixed results, lol. The n-word reclamation didn’t work out so well, but taking back “nappy” has. Good luck, to you. You deserve to claim any label you want and it was an honor to read about your journey.

      • I am with johnettasamone — I love that you’re reappropriating a culturally negative term and turning into something that is YOURS. This is something I think is beautiful, and that we all need insight and awareness to do. I agree with the other comments here: I have met some aesthetically pleasing people who are downright ugly, and some non-symmetrical people who are absolutely gorgeous. It’s the inside that shines, and your insides are shining! Keep it up!

  6. You, my dear, are blindingly, brilliantly shiny. I’m sure you are many other things, but it’s the shiny voice that matters to me. Have you met Lizzy yet? Y’all might argue on some points– Lizzy stands by her beauty, and the beauty of everyone, and though I’m more aligned to her thinking, there’s some overlap of thought regarding size and image. Plus, her voice is shiny, too! http://bigbodybeautiful.wordpress.com/about/

    • Ooh! Another fat acceptance blog! Very shiny! Thanks for the recs.
      And I have absolutely no issue with people standing by their beauty. In fact, I admire the hell out of them. Perhaps this post needs a follow-up. I am ugly, and that is beautiful. I shall muse upon this. I feel like I need to be described as ‘shiny’ more often – it makes my day. :)

  7. That’s the wonderful thing about striving for equality in this world, there needs to be room for people to self-identify however they choose. And we should respect the right of others to do so. Kudos! :)

  8. You are comfortable in your own skin and you know who you are and what you are about..attributes that many never possess. You mentioned not fitting the mold of mainstream attractiveness but mainstream appears to be more like a literal stream, bending and turning, never truly knowing where it should go..you on the other hand have sense of self and I agrue that there is no greater an attractive quality than that.

    • I definitely agree. In a weird way, this sense of self, that many may perceive as negative, feels more attractive to me because it’s not laced with confusion and hurt at what other people say. Thanks for the great comment!

  9. I don’t see you as ugly, but I relate with what you have said when it comes to myself. It’s all subjective. I know what I have heard, what I see in the mirror and how I feel. I don’t look for compliments when I am asked about my looks, but I don’t go around bemoaning how I look either. It just is. Thank you for sharing this.

  10. I admire you for this post. It is the first I have read by you, and I completely relate. You spoke to my heartstrings, and for that I thank you. It may give me the confidence to embrace myself instead of labeling myself a “special kind of pretty”… I am fat, and I have a unique ugliness that I wear on the outside. Thank you for giving me inspiration to own myself.

    • Thank you for the lovely comment, and I’m so glad you’ve drawn something from it.
      I have occasionally dabbled with calling myself a “special kind of pretty”, but it didn’t work for me. I just felt uncomfortable; like I was lying to myself in a way that I have always abhorred. I wish you the best of luck with everything.

  11. I’ve been struggling with the issue of “ugly”, too (as well as fat acceptance). I wish I were as un-brainwashed as you are. I don’t even have mirrors at home that go past my chest. Part of me thinks it’s vain to want to be pretty, because after all, that’s not what makes a person right?

    • I don’t think it is vain to want to be pretty as long as being pretty is based on your own mental ideal and not that of society or someone else. More importantly, I think there is a huge difference between subjective ‘prettiness’ and perfection. I will never be 100% confident with myself and I will always think someone else is more attractive than me and that is okay. Something I realized a few years ago is that it is incredibly rare to meet someone who does not have something they are insecure about, it is a part of our nature. Regardless of how people tell you that you look, it will never mean as much as feeling it for yourself. I’ve decided to focus on that as my goal and I hope you will too.

      • Couldn’t have said it better myself. Owning yourself and who you are, however you choose to define that to be, will do so much more for your confidence and self-worth than identifying yourself by how others see you. Thank you for the awesome comment.

    • It’s not vain at all to want that, I don’t think. Considering how high a pedestal on which pretty people are placed? Who wouldn’t want that? Also, I think looks are a part of a person… the problem is when looks are seen as more important than they need to be.
      I wish you all the best. Thank you for reading. :)

  12. Profound on so many levels! You are a gifted writer with amazing self reflection. Thank you for this post. It is a breath of fresh air. I would like to share it with my adolescent therapy clients that struggle so with eating disorders and the negative self talk that keeps them a prisoner in their own body. What a gift your words will be thanks.

  13. Don’t worry everyone, I suspect once humanity reforms into the eternal soul of pure life, ebbing and flowing beyond the realms of the cosmos, dancing in the endless cycle of death and rebirth, we won’t even remember what physical appearances are.

  14. Ah, what a breath of fresh air. I don’t know if you’ve seen the American Dove commercials, the ones where they make all women insist that they are beautiful? There’s something liberating in admitting that you’re not hot shit. The most important factor in determining a woman’s sense of self-worth should NOT just be her ability to call herself beautiful. There are so, so many other ways to define yourself apart from physical appearance! I get mad when people act like they are the arbiter of my worth when they comment on my physical appearance—be it positive or negative. & congrats on being freshly pressed! glad I found your blog. cheers.

    • Exactly. You definitely understand what I’m saying. Those Dove commercials (existing in England and Australia too)… as a Marketer I love them because geez they work well, but as a feminist and lover of diversity and the like, I can’t stand them. That one with the sketch artist drawing them according to how they see themselves and how others see them? The comments about how important their natural beauty is… I can see how that would be liberating to say, but friggen hell, it is not just about how you look.
      Being freshly pressed came as a surprise, I can tell you that! Thanks for reading.

  15. This is mind opening, as a teenager I tend to pick on myself but your post has made me think a lot. Beauty is within the soul. Your facial features should not determine whether you’re society’s idea of “beautiful”, I do not know you but from the words you’ve just spoke tells me you are beautiful.

    • Believe me, teenage years are the worst for picking on yourself. I haven’t been out of teenage-dom for very long, but already the improvement is there.
      I think it’s important to determine how you see yourself, and own it. Whether that’s pretty, ugly, smart, stupid, friendly, nasty, whatever. As long as you can own it, you can be strong and confident. I wish you all the best.

  16. Being an inner-directed person, as you are, is very hard. So you are really very brave. As someone who long long ago also self-identified as “ugly” (thank you, Mommy), I admire your courage in defining yourself as who you are. I look forward to reading more from you. :)

    • Yeah. I think my more external friends find me a bit frustrating in that sense.
      Thank you, but I think the only thing I’ve done that could be considered brave is posting about it on here. Admitting how I feel to myself was something I found to be necessary for my happiness and self-worth. Anyway, thank you for reading. :)

  17. I hear what you’re saying. You’ve got some beautiful writing going on here. I have to say I quite enjoyed this, chuckled a little. And kept going back up to your picture. I like your nose. ;) And I love this post.

  18. First of all: Great post! Wow.

    Second of all: That’s Interesting… You say, and I quote:

    “…but because I am not stupid or blindly unaware of what society deems attractive in this day and age, and I know that I do not fit that mould”

    However, most of the people who commented here clearly said they think you are ugly, and I think they are genuine in their comments. Me included. It would never come to my mind to think of you as ugly. Even before I read anything of your post. Are you sure you are not confusing the “mould” one sees comparatively few people promoting on TV/media with the perception of the ordinary people, who are definitely in the majority, but don’t get TV time?

    Just an observation. But of course, the most important thing you are comfortable the way you are. There are so many people, lots of them “fitting the mould” you reference to, who are not comfortable and are so deeply unhappy because of this. So at the end, I guess the actual mould doesn’t really matter :)

    • Thank you for leaving such a thought-provoking comment.
      I will say that the featured image is relatively flattering. You can’t see a lot of me in it, for one. I haven’t gotten around to posting full body images yet, it seems.
      I might be being a bit unfair to my fellow man and confusing the moulds, yes. But my general observations as a people watcher and the sort of experiences I’ve had in my life thus far do suggest I’m on the lower end of the beauty spectrum, as it were. I think the mould is very important in our society, and so many people who do not fit it are deeply unhappy because of that, and I think that is more of an issue to tackle than anything else.

  19. i enjoyed your piece, and understand your perspective, but just to throw a little monkey in the wrench; what if you chose not to label yourself? f%#*$ labels! f%#*$ what “society” thinks! {that’s more faux-cussing than i’ve done in my entire lifetime} you are you and you are ever-changing, and that is beautiful. the idea of beauty alone is ever-changing. in fact, beautiful is not the same in america as it is in other places of the world. what if you were not defined as beautiful or ugly? you are so much more than a label, but reading this post, i have a strong feeling you already know this. ;) thank you for sharing!

    • Oh yeah, I agree, and I think people who choose not to label themselves are fabulous for many reasons. Believe me, from what I was like as a teenager, the fact that I’m here now is proof that I am ever-changing. And I love that. Can’t wait to see what I become next.

  20. I could so relate to your feelings!!! I agree with u that rather than fitting in the society’s mold of “beautiful”, I’d rather stay as I am “ugly”. These are just words that are meaninglessly defined and associated with certain standards but what it matters is that we are happy in our own skin. :)

    Thanks for this article, I really, truly enjoyed reading it :)

    • Yeah, I agree. The other thought I had was “Yeah, I’m ugly. So what?” I’d rather be like that than trying to be something I’m not. Thanks for reading, and I’m so glad you enjoyed it!

  21. Brilliant!! You are not asking for anybody’s acceptance of who you are. You are owning your own life and identity. And that is relevant to all people who feel different – or who society says are different – in any way. I will not patronise you and tell you that you are not ugly. You are you!!

  22. I like how your eyes have a devious touch to them, like you might be snarky. I hope you’re snarky. Tell me you’re snarky.

    If people can’t whip out some intelligent snark from time to time, I got no use for them. Rock on, sistah. Raising my evening snifter of Courvoisier to you.

  23. I love this post. You should be able to describe yourself without others contradicting you about who you think you are- and I definitely get the annoyed part. I sometimes mention that I lost weight when I started dancing and that it bothered me, and people always ask “Why?” It doesn’t matter why, but I hate feeling like my idea of myself isn’t valid. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you!
      Oh, you’re so not alone about being bothered by weight loss. So many people in the fat acceptance community mention this, and yeah – people want to self-identify however they please, and the human body is in itself quite a personal thing for people, so when it changes it can be bothersome, regardless of how ‘good’ the change might be.

      • No kidding. I associate changes in weight (in either direction) as something that requires me to spend time, energy and money shopping, which I hate.

  24. I love your post, being fat myself I have struggled with similar issues of denial, self-loathing and feelings of ugliness. I wish I could accept myself like the way you have. Perhaps you can do another blog on that? A journey of your self-acceptance? Either way, it is nice to know that there are people in this world who strive to rebel against normative thinking, because while there are communities for minorities such as LGBT or for people at risk such as addicts, there is little feeling of community for people who are overweight or disfigured or in any other sense not visually attractive. Sometimes being fat is not a choice. It’s not because one is lazy, but a tendency that your body has and which you are fighting. I know this is true for me.

    • Hi! Thank you for the amazing comment.
      I like the idea of that blog post. I think self acceptance is a LONG journey indeed and I don’t know if I’m fully there yet, but I would definitely like to write about how fat acceptance and my theatre group have helped me on my journey.
      Have you checked out the fat acceptance community? They’re quite a big online presence, and if you’re based in the US a lot of events and the like happen over there. The stories of the people in those communities are incredible. Well worth checking out. And no, fatness is caused by a multitude of things, and laziness or whatever else is not even one of them.

  25. This is wonderful. We live in a society in which attractiveness is valued more than intelligence or kindness. A person can be attractive but a complete asshole, and she is still considered a beautiful person. Why? I’m admire that you are comfortable with who you are.

  26. Well, I will admit I’m fat, and I also have decided that’s just the way I was made, I believe and have repeated to myself many times, IF I can see beauty in elephants, hypo’s, polar bears, gorilla’s, even a giraffe with its long funny neck, why can’t I see beauty in myself. I think everyone was made uniquely and although I have struggled for years with my weight, even today, I actually feel just fine health wise. Of course, I think everyone wants to look “beautiful” according to magazine pictures, but honestly I also try to remember there exist those to who believe they are to skinny and would love to put on some weight. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is “everyone struggles with beauty as others perceive it, but individually we need to accept who we are, love our lives, ourselves and others as who they are.” I loved your post it was very intriguing, you have a brilliant mind, a precious heart, and personally I honestly think you are beautiful no lies, inside and out. I like to read more of those post your putting aside, write don’t be discourage to write freely of the way you think and feel, your an inspiring writer and I look forward it!! :D

  27. I’m sure I haven’t read anything so bluntly honest. It communicates so well because you exude confidence. We should all own our “fatness” and be more kind to ourselves about how the world interprets our beauty the way you do.

    It feels wrong to love the fat necklace, but then I read the post, and feel like we’re already friends and that this is just so *you* and aren’t you wonderful? What has been your favorite reaction to this accessory?

    • Oh wow, thank you so much. We do need to be more kind to ourselves.
      I adore my fat necklace. My favourite reaction? I think there was this conversation once:
      Her: What’s that necklace say?
      Me: Fat
      Her: Why are you wearing it?
      Me: Because I am.
      Her: …fair enough.
      That kind of made my day.

  28. Firstly because of what and how you wrote that I don’t find you ugly. Secondly I know know skinny girls who think they are hot that I see as being ugly because they think they are so hot.

  29. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for this. I think there is much to be said for embracing one’s “ugliness.” And there is more to be said for confidence. And really, what does being ugly even matter in the end? A friend of mine once said that “Everyone is attractive to someone” and I truly believe that. I’m sure some people think I’m ugly and some think I’m beautiful and some think I’m somewhere in the middle–and I’m sure the same goes for you. The most important thing is to embrace what you are and others will follow along. Thank you!

  30. If this is what ugly means, sign me up. But really, you are beautiful, even if you don’t know it. Your beauty brought this complete stranger to tears and made me laugh and smile. That my dear, is the epitome of beauty, whether you believe it or not :)

  31. I love the cupcake background. I wish I had a cupcake to go with some ice cream. Where did you buy that necklace? I like your story of inner and outer self confidence. You are definitely not ugly. Loving yourself is the key

    Mr.MakingUsmile

  32. awesome Mrs.Hustlings, it’s so important to break away from the mould and in the end not give a shit at ALL, be you, you are what your meant to be simply because you exist. Confidence, living the life you want to live, and being genuine can be easily seen and felt by people and whether gorgeous or fugly you can sense it very easily.

  33. This is brilliant. You are honestly beautiful in my eyes. Beauty comes from the inside and you have that my dear. I giggled and identified with what you were posting and it makes me happy to know somebody has accepted them self as who they are and not change like society says they should.

  34. I want to hire you as my life coach because you’ve got shit figured out. I am currently working on defining myself as *I* see myself, and not how the world may see me. This is no small task. The fact that you’re already there is admirable.

    I know that beauty is subjective, but I think you’ve got it in spades. Great post!

  35. True beauty comes from within…and shines in a way that others are compelled to recognize. We have all been assigned these certain bodies, and their designated sizes and ratings.
    Most importantly, is how we choose to use them, and what they project. If you want to self-identify as ugly, (I tend to disagree), that is your prerogative. I just worry, (not knowing you), that you might be projecting that. Also, please remember our body type will thrive during the Apocalypse; as it did in the Medieval Times!

    • Exactly.
      Well the thing is, with my identification comes recognising all the good things as well… and I’m not the type to dislike a part of me just because of how it looks, if that makes sense? My arms aren’t much to look at, for instance. But they’re fabulous and strong and I wear sleeveless dresses because I’m not ashamed of how they look. It’s that sort of thing. So what I try to project is confidence and comfort in my body.

  36. This is a brave post. Good on you. Who cares what society thinks? You write really well and I hope you continue that and show the world your beauty through other avenues rather than simply the superficial. Au revoir :)

  37. did you ever hear of ‘beauty lies in the eyes of beholder” ?? Don’t think you are ugly because you are not. Find people who look for your inner beauty not the outer one because those would be the real people. People who search for beauty on the surface , beauty leaves them no where. You are beautiful in my eyes…a BRILLIANT WRITER :)

  38. This is the very first post I read from the first letter until the end. There is really a big difference between being “ugly” and fat. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting!

  39. I guess that it is your right to self-identify however you want. After all, you’re you and that’s all you can be. However, I would caution not to self-identify so much with one thing that you imprison yourself by not being able to change your mind about it.
    That being said, I want to talk about the word ugly. The word ugly is an ugly word. It is negative. The Webster dictionary defines ugly as: unpleasant to look at, offensive or disgusting, frightful, offensive or unpleasant to any sense, morally offensive or objectionable, likely to cause inconvenience or discomfort. Surely and quarrelsome. From reading your post and looking at your picture, it doesn’t seem that you fit any of those definitions. And it doesn’t seem that you would want to strive to be any of those definitions either. I could be wrong because I don’t know you, but that’s the way it seems to be to me.
    So while it’s great that you have been able to disassociate yourself from the negative feelings of depression and anger and whatever that might come about from being called ugly or fat and believing it yourself, it’s not necessarily the truth about who you are. Of course I think that the truth is better than just going along with society’s negative narrative that can change on whim.
    And about being fat, that can be subjective too. I was watching the Ellen Degeneres show the other day and she had a plus sized model on the show. She was 6 foot 2” and couldn’t fit into size 0 pants and so they called her “Piggy” and things like that. The modeling world for some reason considered her to be fat. But if you looked at her pictures, this girl was not fat at all. No, her bone structure and her 6 foot 2 frame would not let her fit into the size 0 of the model world, but if she did somehow bring her weight down to size 0 pants weight, she would be skeletal woman. And how attractive is that? Not very.
    What I’m saying is, you can self-identify however you want. You can think yourself fat and ugly and make those things your identity if you want. You can let society dictate who you are if you want. (Although, I don’t know why you would want to. ) However, I think it would be more true to use more positive words. If you can’t bring yourself to say you’re a gorgeous super model because you don’t believe that to be true, at least say that you are ok to look at. Because you should know that you aren’t unpleasant or offensive to look at as the definition of ugly would say. And instead of putting fat as your identity, because that can lead to health problems down the line, you could put being healthy as your identity.
    Again, you might want to fight tooth and nail to be identified as fat and ugly and yes, that’s you’re right. But I want to leave you with one more thing. There has been a study done by a guy named Emoto. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, but he basically talked to water or strapped words to it’s container, froze it and took photographs of it. The photos of the water that was subjected to positive words was far more symmetrical and aesthetically pleasing than that stamped with dark, negative phrases. The positive words photographed in the water brought about beautiful water crystals, while the negative words seemed to destroy them. Which brought him to the conclusion that what we say and think whether positive or negative has an effect on our bodies, being 60% water, and all the things around us. You can see some of the photos he took and the words used at this link. http://www.highexistence.com/water-experiment/

  40. By writing this you just became one of the most beautiful people I know, thank you so much, as someone who has a lot of self confidence issues I find you truly inspiring and am looking forward to reading more.
    P.S love the bling!

  41. Good post. I loved your honesty as I’ve been there, done that, suffered the comments, and came back bouncing. We are what we are. If people don’t like us because we don’t conform to their ‘tick box’, that’s their loss and they need to review their own lives. I’ve had the consoling “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. “Never judge a book by it’s cover” etc, and all I’ll say to that is that I already wear glasses and read a lot.
    You are happy being You (as I am being me, warts and all), and that’s all that matters.
    As I said, good post and you have another follower here.

  42. to be very honest with you, personally i think everyone has a certain beauty in them and it may not be necessarily physical. You might not look like Halle Berry but maybe you are gifted in beautiful ways or have beautiful attributes. In Africa, people don’t care whether you are fat or not. Actually a size 16 is considered not fat which

    • Yeah, and in other time periods it used to be co side red beautiful to be fat – it meant you were wealthy and did not have to work out in the fields all day or whatever. Far out, huh? -john

  43. My opinion is that ugliness is a state of mind. You can think or be ugly and that is a choice. What you are born with is a body that you can take care of as much as possible, because it is your only amazing tool and a face that you can’t change (well surgery is not a change from my point of view). I’ve been called “big nose”, but I have such an amazing sens of smell that I wouldn’t change it a bit. I have this mind that I love and make good use of and I have this confidence that men seem to be attracted to. So just enjoy you and be confident and natural :) Have a colorful day.

  44. oh, my! Love the way you accepted yourself, and that you don’t want to self-decept yourself. It’s all what media serve to us that we must be perfect and look good, so to have an attitude like yours is very brave!
    I agree with Lorna – you are perfectly fine to me. After all, only that’s matter is that you/we should feel comfortable in your/our own skin!

    Cheers!

    • I agree. And for me personally, I always feel most comfortable when I’m true to myself. I am far from movie-star attractive, but I’m more comfortable admitting that than thinking “oh but maybe I could be someday if…” Thanks for reading.

    • Do you think so? Because I feel it’s a part of what makes me unique, and interesting. And I’ve always felt uncomfortable about labelling any part of myself, regardless of how it looks, as ‘a shame’.

      Thank you for the comment.

  45. Power to you! Being able to accept yourself is a good thing and saying it out loud, awesome. Love that “fat” necklace by the way. I would love to have one myself except mine would say, “fat ninja.” I’m glad to see that there is someone out there other than myself who accepts who they are and is cool about it. Thanks for writing this.

  46. dear, just be thankful to God with what you’ve got. The more grateful the happier you are. Just thinking that you are perfect :)

  47. I enjoyed reading this and it gave me a little chuckle at times… I can relate especially to the fat part! I wish we lived in a world where beauty was not defined by physical appearance but the truth is most people do look at your outer appearance efore the inner! I dont, but many do. I try to not let any particular word define me. I allowed fat to define me for many years and it took me half my life to stop labeling myself with that word. :) if im gonna choose a word to label me id like that word to be happy! Loved ur story though and think that self acceptance is key in happiness, so kudos to u!! 😊😊😊👍👍👍👏👏👏

  48. Great way to put it in words. I loved the honesty of this post, it reminds me of my endless fights to preserve my round tummy (which I positively adore and nurture) against everyone begging me to work out to loose it.
    Be yourself, there is no other way to be.
    Cheers. T.

  49. You raise some very valid points!
    I might disagree somewhat with your definition of ugly, preferring maybe unattractive… Ugly makes me think of hairless cats and blobfish. And you definitely don’t look like a blobfish… But that’s semantics I guess.

    But something saddens me a little about this post anyway. Probably the identification of yourself according to how you look. Whether you derive confidence from it or not, I think it’s a such a shame that we live in a society where looks are so important that they become a defining characteristic. I don’t think they can be, nor should be, completely disregarded, but we need to remember that whole people are more than their outsides.

    • oh, I’m definitely with you about us being more than how we look. This particular post happened to be about how I look, and while “ugly” is one thing (“label”, let’s say) that I use, I use many others too. Smart, Fat, Short, Honest, Bossy, Funny, Loving, Bi, Female… I just happened to be talking about this one for this post. And you’re right, it should not be as important as it seems to be. Thanks for reading.

  50. Loving your post!! You go girl.. I think everyone else that posted on this, basically says it all. Keep em coming :)

  51. Very brave topic for an article and I’m impressed! I personally hate what society deems attractive and since turning 30 have discovered that my body size, shape and physical appearance is something I have grown to love. I have what is probably deemed as a “larger bum” and where as ten years ago I would have been outraged by that comment I now love it. Embrace everything about yourself!!
    I hope you don’t think I’m rude but I wonder how old you are? With age comes acceptance I have found and I wonder if this is the case for you? Since turning 30 my love for my own body is significantly more than my teens and twenties!
    Well done on writing such a brilliant blog, I’ll be following you from now on.

  52. While I’m new at this – reading blogs and writing them – I have to comment on what a good writer you are! As your physical perception of yourself, I would suggest that you consider judging physical appearance on a continuum rather than using such a black and white scale as beautiful and ugly. I would also suggest that if you focus on the overall welcoming appearance that you project, you will find yourself closer to the former than the latter.

    • Thanks for the comment.

      Honestly? Not in my opinion. I’m an honest person, and I would rather be honest with myself than call myself ‘beautiful’, and feel like I’m lying to myself. Besides, I don’t think that ‘ugly’ is that negative a thing, really.

      • I guess my point is, you are the things you think about.

        If you want to be ugly, tell yourself that you are ugly. If you want to be beautiful, tell yourself that you are beautiful.

        Thoughts are real things, they vibrate and produce a frequency.

        Think beautiful thoughts and you cannot help but be beautiful yourself.

        So it’s not so much about being honest with yourself as it is choosing what you want to be. And if you want to be ugly that’s okay, but always remember you have a say in the matter. -john

      • Here’s another interesting aspect, in the form of a question:

        Is it okay to agree with someone who calls themself ugly?

        If being ugly is not negative, then why does it feel so awful to say, “Yeah, you really are ugly”?

        Would your feelings be hurt if this post was full of comments from people telling you that you are indeed ugly?

        I dunno, there’s just something really strange and unsettling about allowing someone to believe that they are ugly. -john

  53. Hi there! I firmly believe that our thoughts draw our reality, and the way you see yourself determines the way others see you. It is an internal process that you control totally. So I would change the title of your post to: So, Here Goes: I am Beautiful!

  54. I live in NY, where women pride themselves (as they do in many places) on being very thin, very groomed and very pretty. Those who fail to meet those standards have a tough time — until or unless they find the self-confidence you have.

    One of the things you learn as you age is that — as others have said here — is that we’re only living in our body for a while. We didn’t choose it and, if smart, we’re making the best of its temporary gifts: sight, hearing, taste, mobility, intelligence, kindness.

    The world is filled with women who meet conventional beauty standards — who are utter bitches. Vain, selfish and obsessed with the size of their butts, not of their hearts or brains.

    Rock on, missy. Your values are in the right place.

    • Yeah. Part of why I wrote this was because I kind of want to move past it. Physical appearance does have its place, absolutely, but as far as I’m concerned there are so many more important things that I’d rather be cracking on with. And like you say, if I focus my attention on being miserable about my physical appearance rather than owning it, I will never appreciate the mobility, sensory experiences, health, etc., that my body is lucky enough to enjoy.
      thank you so much for the brilliant comment.

  55. While I loved the post, I simply can’t agree with the ugly thing. I applaud you for your bravery in posting, but, to me, ugly doesn’t describe you at all.

  56. While I feel it is unfortunate that people still use terms like “ugly” to describe a person’s physical appearance, I do think it is important to be perfectly OK with yourself. Knowing who you are is more important than living in delusion. For the record, when I look at you, I just see a person.

  57. I can see where you’re coming from and I
    respect that.
    I grew up thinking I was ugly too. However for different reasons. Unlike you I didn’t have a weight problem. In fact you probably have called me really skinny but healthy. To look at me, ppl would swear I was a boy with fair skin and black hair but I was a girl. I still do look 8.. Hehehe! Hahaha..
    Point: I’m 50 now and I can say I love who I am, but what a journey!! (Wiping sweat from forehead)..
    I have also come to the conclusion that labeling ppl is a “horrific” human trait. One of the greatest crimes of this century especially.
    Compassion, education, and being outspoken about injustices and atrocities is beautiful. It’s one’s mind and spirit or essence, that makes a person ugly or beautiful. But this is only my opinion, I just like to share it with anyone who’ll listen.
    PS: I have never met you and when I looked at your photo I didn’t get ugly, I thought cute then read on.
    PSS: I too have thin hair so I keep it short and it looks thick and luxurious.
    In conclusion, I have to concur you can be fat but not ugly because your fat.
    Be brave and enjoy your life. Grasp every great opportunity. Hold on and get ready for the roller coaster ride!!! Woo, hoo!!!

  58. This is coming from pure honesty.
    After reading this post, I see you as beautiful – you’re personality. It takes a lot to realize what you’ve realized. You’re a very intelligent woman and I look up to the way you are so aware of your surroundings and society. Your personality, is gorgeous! Keep writing! Inspire!

  59. Fat – that word is a description – a judging description in our days, but still a description – and no matter how much my friends my tell me I am not, with a BMI of 43 I am honest enough to call myself fat. There is nothing wrong with a good, direct way of describing.
    Ugly now – that is not even describing – that is just judgemental. Ugly is not telling me anything about a person – does he/she have scars, one eye leaking, the nose up the wrong way, the jaw missing, black teeth, elephant ears? It takes a lot even for a fat person to really be UGLY, I’d say. Other people will disagree and describe a perfect woman who dares to wear glasses instead of lenses as ugly … UGLY is not helpful when you describe somebody, not even yourself. So why fight for your right to describe yourself as ugly – when it does not say anything else about you but that you do not like your own looks?

    Still I call myself an UFO – not beautiful, not slim and not young anymore … But then I am ugly because we all know the girl with glasses gets passes – I am fat because of my BMI – and I am 45 – which is 15 years now beyond my “date of expiry” … You have to go some way still to get the full UFO-badge …

    • Thanks for taking the time to write such an interesting comment. It’s definitely made me think.

      My reason for fighting for my right to declare myself ugly has to do with me acknowledging everything about me and wanting to describe myself however I want, basically. And when I call myself ‘ugly’, what I am saying is that I don’t fit society’s ideals of attractiveness, in more ways than most people my age, gender, social standing, etc. I am trying to describe myself, but you are right about ugly being a fairly poor describer. Perhaps I’m trying to have it be like a shorthand for the list of physical features I wrote in the post.

      For the record, I do like my looks. I’m quite fond of most of the features I listed in the post, because they are part of me, and I like me. And I don’t want to ignore those parts of me just because they aren’t aesthetically pleasing, nor should I have to.

      • So in a way you are describing yourself as ugly to avoid someone else stating it first – kind of “yeah, I have said so, tell me something new about me I don’t know yet”-approach. Or to provoke. But anyway – you are giving out a judgement this way – one you do not even share:
        “For the record, I do like my looks. I’m quite fond of most of the features” – speaks of a different judgement you have of your own appearance, And rightfully so.
        Not even my sarcastic 45-year-old self really believes me when I am thinking of myself as an UFO – it is just a kind of self-defence – a forward attack. To quieten down the criticism.

  60. It would be a wonderful thing if we did not need to use a label to identify ourselves. We are all many things and have many “selves.” Some parts we like. Others we don’t. True acceptance means embracing all our parts.

  61. I truly respect you so much for writing this post, however it does make me sad. As you said yourself, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and just because you don’t fit the “mold” of what people call beautiful in society today, does not make you an ugly person. There is technically, no definition of “beauty”. It is merely opinion. Regardless, I applaud your self confidence and strength to find comfort in who you are. I know this is a trait that several women in this world struggle with. The fact that you are able to stand up like this for yourself makes you far more beautiful than all the fake, skinny, insecure girls who are liked because they are pretty. When deep down, half of them are shallow and/or extremely insecure. I think, you my dear are awesome! Thank you for writing this, it is something many girls need to learn! Everyone is their own person and we need to appreciate one another for who we are! xoxo

    • Thank you for the thoughtful comment.
      I actually find a lot of strength and joy in identifying as ugly. It’s part of my uniqueness, part of what makes me interesting. Along with all the other things.
      So don’t be sad! At least, not for me. Because I’m not sad about it at all. :)

  62. I think that the awesome-est thing about this is the honesty. I believe in straightforward honesty. Many people don’t love hearing it, though. I wish more people would be real. And be okay with whatever “real” is for them.

  63. Pingback: The beautiful people | kayla hannah

  64. This is so interesting (and well-put). I’m wondering: Would you say you take on “ugly pride,” akin to fat pride or gay pride or other forms of pride for qualities/facets of our lives that have been shamed? I’ve always thought of appearance as one form of pride in the sense that you’re showing the world you take pride in the shell you have, which we all have a right to do, but I’m now realizing I’ve also conflated that with *beauty*, not just self-presentation. In any case, I’d love to know your thoughts on pride and appearance if you ever feel like musing on the matter!

    • I do very much feel like musing on the matter. I shall therefore inform you that I am currently sitting here, stroking my not-so-imaginary goatee in deep muse…ness…ity…?
      I think I do take on ugly pride, yeah (I definitely take on fat pride). I haven’t been to any rallies or the like, but I also absolutely refuse to not lead my life how I want to lead it, just because of my appearance. I think the simple act of going to work with my head held high, no make-up on, in clothes that I like and feel comfortable in, and daring to be happy with myself and my appearance, is a form of ugly pride. That, I do every day (except the days when I put eye make-up on, because I love that shit).
      Thanks for the awesome comment.

  65. I’ve always been interested in identity and the way people describe themselves – it is really empowering to reclaim words and use them for ourselves. I self identity as fat too, but at the same time, I’m more than aware that labels do a lot of harm when other people don’t know the context behind them. I both fight and reclaim labels – for example, I’m deaf so when I tell people I’m deaf, they assume a lot, unless I correct them. Some labels/self-identifiers become more powerful when we reclaim them – such as fat – it has so many negative connotations that it feels great to take that word back and instead say, ‘I’m fat and awesome’. As much as I feel like rejecting all labels, some labels really are part of identity.

  66. most people view themselves as less than perfect – and most people are less than perfect.. that you have so many people interested in your views on ugly means you must have struck a cord in someway that i do not comprehend. I

  67. This was a beautiful blog post. Funny, toching and honest. I don’t think that you’re ugly, but it most certailnly is your right to identify yourself as such. Thanks for sharing this. Bravo.

  68. Thank you for sharing this. Truth is I did my own little “self evaluation” some time ago as well. I felt that it was necessary for my own sanity to have that “earth to Sophia” moment. I struggle with my weight, and although I’m pretty, I don’t feel I’m as beautiful as my friends who are gorgeous. I didn’t attract the kind of men they attract so I felt less than. I was teased and bullied when I was younger and over looked. Then having a child at 16 made it even worse so one day I decided to just embrace my flaws starting with my insecurity about my flaws. The moment I did that, I felt so much better and braver and I haven’t looked back. There is power in admittance. I don’t feel as uncomfortable or un-confident anymore. So I applaud you because it took guts chick!!!

    • It’s amazing how much better you feel when you look at your flaws and you go “you know what? screw it. these are MY things and I don’t care that they’re not perfect; they’re MINE and I love them.” And I do.

  69. You do not appear ugly to me, even before I read your words. I don’t know what “ugly” is. There is startling and there are looks that may make me uncomfortable for a few moments, but you are neither of those. I hope I’m not messing with your identity. :)

  70. Regardless of your self-conscious worries hun I think you’re beautiful. “Ugly” is a simple categorization for people different and different is always better :)

  71. Right randee. I think you’re beautiful. You have a lovely smile. Ugliness is not what is on the outside. You can be the most conventionally unattractive person but if you have a beautiful mind and heart then that is what people will and should see. The most beautiful person in the world makes her/himself look like Elphaba with a disgusting expression on their face. Take a look at the characters in Gossip Girl. They are supposed to be beautiful but they spend their whole lives doing cruel, evil things and behaving atrociously. That is all I see when I look at them: Ugly people. Do you have an ugly personality? You don’t seem to, you are honest, I disagree with you on your thoughts but you are honest and courageous to express your opinion of yourself in writing.
    I used to think I was ugly, for years I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t think I actually look much different now except for natural curly hair instead of straightening it to fit in with the white, slim kids at school. ( I am of mixed heritage, golden brown skin.) I feel a lot happier though and this reflects in my face I think.
    I think like one other person said that ugliness is a state of mind. In any case, it shouldn’t matter what the rest of society thinks about your face. This is coming from people that base their decisions on what celebrities think, the people that agree to drug their children to ‘control them’ and people that think that conformity is the most important thing. Much of society is a bunch of mindless sheep, our ideas about certain things are so twisted and sick, we should not buy into the lies.

    • I loved your whole comment. The main thing I wanted to say was YAY for curly hair (it’s the best), and you sound fabulous from how you’ve described yourself. Gorgeous too. Thanks for reading.

      • Thanks i think you’re gorgeous too. Curly hairs lovely. I look far more myself having my naturally curly hair than when I straightened it to conform with everyone else. Oh and I too wear glasses :)

  72. I quite enjoyed this post. I like the honesty and acceptance.
    Beauty is subjective. Aren’t we all judged instantly, first impressions and all. I would fit that ugly category as well.
    Have I totally embraced this fact? Not a bit. I want to be pretty at least once(just to try it on.)
    But in my life at least, I have met some physically attractive people who have ended up becoming the ugliest people in my mind. This is due to the fact that they are awful people with awful attitudes, and they have no concept of what beauty is, nor how to appreciate it.
    Let’s be ugly together! I will try to gain strength from you sister!

    • Woo! Ugly sisters brohoof!
      In all seriousness, the point of my post was self-identification. I feel more comfortable with myself now, because it’s like I can move on from my looks to the more important things in my life. But that’s just me. It doesn’t have to be you. Basically, you be whoever you want to be, and you OWN it.

      • I wouldn’t normally brohoof, because I’m not a Brony, but I will make an exception. :P
        Life would be so much easier. So much lighter, if I was able to accept and to just put it into a column of facts about myself, like my hair color.
        My goal in life is happiness, so I will learn to OWN it!
        You my dear are love. <3

  73. While I think I understood the message behind your post, I find what you’re saying to be, on the surface at least, very problematic. It’s not hard to understand that your physical appearance is a part of how you see yourself, and that you recognize that there are some people who would not find you attractive in the conventional physical sense. However, I feel like to assign to that an objectively negative term is problematic for me, because it suggests that you are accepting that negativity as part of your identity. It’s like if someone who was illiterate went around telling people that they were stupid. Basically, you’re equating fat, small eyes and thin hair, which are not on their own objectively negative, with a term that is overwhelmingly so, just like in my example, the person is equating illiteracy with stupidity, which is overwhelmingly negative and can be false. Maybe this is something that you have decided you want to simply accept, but I feel like for others who may read this post and who aren’t in a place of self-acceptance to take this message and apply it to themselves can have seriously detrimental effects on their sense of self. It’s not that they’re not there yet, it’s that I don’t think this is how most people are wired to think and understand how they fit in societal perceptions.

    • Thank you for the thought-provoking comment.

      You say that it sounds like I am accepting the negativity of ugliness as part of my identity – you are absolutely right. I absolutely accept all negative aspects of me as part of myself, or at least that is what I am trying to do. But the thing is, I also absolutely accept all of the positive aspects of myself, INCLUDING the physical aspects. And I do this because I am the sort of person who can only feel comfortable when I am honest with myself, and for me to say that I am beautiful gives me the same uncomfortable feeling of dishonesty as it does when I say that I am stupid.

      As for other people who might read this… I tried to keep the post very much about me, and all I would want anybody to draw from it is that thinking yourself ugly does not have to be the end of the world. If anybody does feel negatively effected by what I have written I hope they speak up, but so far the reactions I have received have been overwhelmingly positive, and it thrills me to no end to know that I may have caused some people to think better about themselves.

  74. You are wise beyond your years:) How one is perceived by others, in my experience, is purely subjective. My time on this earth has taught me that what is important is how one perceives themselves. Who cares what others think? Impressive post.

  75. Love your fire for your right to self identify however you choose, there’s power and strength in those words, great blog! Dislike the ugliness of a society that dictates so errantly to the “willing” masses what they ought deem beauty. Stay true, stay YOU, no matter what they all do, loving your brand of “ugly” :D Great write for thought, hope others enjoy as much as I did. This was a reminder to me to stay true to who I am and I am way way too old to still be thinking this way lol

  76. Love your fire for your right to self identify however you choose, there’s power and strength in those words, great blog! Dislike the ugliness of a society that dictates so errantly to the “willing” masses what they ought deem beauty. Stay true, stay YOU, no matter what they all do, loving your brand of “ugly” :D Great write for thought, hope others enjoy as much as I did. This was a reminder to me to stay true to who I am and I am way way too old to still be thinking this way lol

  77. What a fantastic blog! I just wrote a blog in which I chose to ‘self identify’ also. I have a condition, an illness really, that prevents me from accepting anything I do or have to offer as good enough. You accept yourself unwaveringly and although I DO NOT agree that you are ugly, I admire your candor in the voicing of a trait so many people value as an asset, almost dissmissively because (as I interpret this writing) you obviously have so much more aside from a shallow exterior shell, to offer. Well….you go girl! I wish I had what you have. I too often dispise myself. You identify what you perceive as a substandard appearance and yet you are okay. You are happy; even thriving! That is what truly matters in this world. As others have said, beauty (yes, mostly subjective) is fleeting; but being a miserable human being is much more of a scar on the face of this diverse planet. You, my dear, are a beautiful flower among weeds.

  78. I totally understand what you are talking about when you said, “it is not beyond the realms of possibility that there might be some people out there who genuinely think I’m the epitome of hot stuff, and I’m hardly going to begrudge them for that. But they will have to understand that I, and most of society around me, do not share their opinion.” It is definitely common for people to view themselves differently as well as every single person to view you differently. Most people (especially the ladies) have that a habit to think of themselves as the worst looking person ever, and that’s okay. The challenge is to be comfortable with your own idea of how you look and you conveyed that message perfectly in this post!

    By the way, your personality seems amazing & I truly do not think you are ugly. Shine on! :)

  79. Hilarious way to approach a sensitive subject, well-written also, but you’re pretty so it’s difficult to figure out if you’re serious on your self-identification! Doesn’t matter though, you have eloquently brought attention to the ways we see and judge things starting at the superficial,,surely it has made many of us stop and think. Awesome post. :)

  80. Geeze, I went through so many emotions just reading this one post. I never thought of someone feeling this way, but I can relate on a certain level. Anyway, I will respect your right to self-identify your looks, but your writing.is.AMAZING.

  81. Wow! I like how you own and tell your truth! If your selfie is anything to go by, then I have to disagree! I love your smile, it radiates “happy” to me, I think your eyes sparkle and your rudy red cheeks look like glowing health. I don’t think one definition of beauty suffices, I actually think there are as many definitions of beauty as there are people on the planet! And honestly, to write like this, to confront the world, that’s all beauty to me! I like your necklace by the way, I’ll like one that says “happy”, did you get it made?

  82. This post obviously generated a huge response…but I’m saddened by your perception of yourself. Beauty is subjective and I find it disheartening when one labels themselves according to what society believes beauty should be.

    • A very interesting comment. I had somebody else say that my calling myself ugly means that all they can tell about me is that I don’t like my looks. But that’s not really so… I quite like my looks in many ways. I just know that my looks don’t fit the mainstream. I say I am ugly based on that, but I’m really quite fond of the ugly bits. Maybe that means I really think they’re beautiful? I’m not sure. At any rate, thank you for reading.

    • Thank you. I was so confused when I got the email. “What? Little old me? Freshly Pressed?”
      It’s gorgeous isn’t it? Unfortunately it’s not mine though, so I’ll probably eventually have to replace it with something I’ve taken myself.
      Thanks for reading. :)

  83. I do not see an ugly person when I look at you. I think your face is rather cute! As far as weight goes, as a plus-sized girl myself, I know about self-acceptance and understand where you’re coming from. But PLEASE do not call yourself ugly or fat. When you do, you perpetuate that negativity (in my opinion). Think of all of the little kids being called fat and ugly by bullies. They can’t get to a place of self-acceptance the way we as adults can. I applaud you for writing this post. GO YOU! YOU are beautiful because you love who you are. And I can tell from your smile that you are not a mean (therefore ugly) person. Just be yourself and be a kind, generous loving person and then YOU my dear are BEAUTIFUL.

    • thank you for the lovely comment. However, calling myself fat is part of a move in the fat acceptance community to reclaim the word as it originally was: a simple adjective meaning “not thin”, so I definitely want to keep doing that. I think you are right about “ugly” as it applies to children, though, and I wouldn’t call a child ugly. I would not call anybody I care about ugly, unless they wanted me to (and for the record, I want to call myself ugly, which is why I do it). But if you think I’m beautiful, I am hardly going to begrudge you for it. Rather, I am going to be flattered. So thank you.

  84. Sex appeal is an attitude, just as age is an attitude. How you feel about yourself is what you will project. If you are comfortable in your ugliness, then give yourself permission to be as ugly and as happy as you choose to be.
    Labels can be restrictive and confining, I like what President Lincoln said, “Whatever you are, be a good one”. Never let others label you—-decide what you want to be, and go be it. It ain’t easy, buts it’s the only choice we all have. Let your little light shine—

  85. Oh yeah, speaking of President Lincoln, he would not be considered the norm for male attractiveness, but his image is revered, respected and loved worldwide. He transcended the superficial norms of trendy fads through his eloquence with words and by actions of authenticity—and therein lies real beauty.

  86. I’ve heard that when a pupil is ready, a teacher will appear. And I definitely needed to read this. Thanks for providing a necessary lesson – one for which I wasn’t even aware I was ready to hear. I bow to your courage and honesty and hope to apply some of both in my world. After reading this, I know I’m better equipped for it. Thank you again.

  87. I don’t think you’re ugly. I think you are your own person, unique, with her own features and the amazing ability to appreciate what you have – and that is great in itself. People who are identified by society as ‘beautiful’ suffer from damaging disorders trying to always look up to par. Embracing whatever you look like – ‘ugly’ or otherwise, – is a fantastic feat and I admire you for it!

  88. I was just pondering a similar idea, only my point was about being and appearing to the world as “weird”. I believe with all my soul that “real” and “authentic” and especially “kind” are the things that make us “beautiful”. My definition, to be sure. If you identify yourself as “fat” and “ugly”, then own it, my sister. I find it endlessly attractive.

  89. I am going to echo what some people here have said: I applaud your honesty and your sense of self-esteem, but PLEASE don’t go around thinking of yourself as ugly. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That is NOT a canard, that is gospel truth. You don’t have to walk around with a label around your neck. Human beings are much too wonderfully, beautifully complicated to be placed into mere categories. Categorizing yourself is just as bad as letting others categorize you. Don’t play their game. We are all a million different things at once.

  90. Wow! I so was not expecting to see a post titled “I’m Ugly” pop up in Freshly Pressed so naturally I had to click it. Sounds like you have a great sense of self-esteem and if you want to think of yourself as ugly, I suppose that is okay? It is just such a confusing concept to think that other people are okay with being considered ugly because we grew up with the notion that “beauty is on the inside.” Though we all know that concept is kind of baloney if you look at the fashion industry and fashion magazines and just the media in general. So it kind of threw me for a loop when you declared you were okay with it! And I can tell you that we thin people suffer just as much with self-esteem/appearance issues. If it’s not our weight we don’t like about ourselves, it’s something else.

    • Thanks so much for having a read!

      Well, I find it kind of refreshing, declaring myself ugly. I think it might have something to do with physical appearance being so much more of a big deal than it should be. When we’re so obsessed with our looks, I like the idea of saying “yes, I’m ugly, can we move on?” and finding out about the more interesting things about the person in question. I suppose “yes, I’m pretty, can we move on?” would work just as well.

  91. All I see in your photo is a beautiful spirit – I don’t see that when I look at photos of a lot of models. Call yourself what you will, but you cannot deny that who you are is beautiful – but it seems that you know that.

  92. I loved this post on self-acceptance and loving ourselves for who we are. Congratulations on Freshly Pressed, keep up the hard work and always tell yourself a absolutley stunning in my own way. Say strong x

  93. Your post has given me great comfort. When we identify ourselves as beautiful – and assume others will too – we can be very blind to the ugliness we carry on the inside. It is as if we have to come to the realization that we are ugly before we can allow any beauty to exist – inside or out. Bravo for your bravery.

  94. I really don’t believe there’s such a thing as ugly, unless one is ugly on the inside. Everyone, with some exceptions, looks the way they’re meant to look. Every one is beautiful. I definitely disagree with the North American paradigm of beauty.

  95. Wow! So, reading the comments, we ARE squeamish about the word ‘ugly’ aren’t we? Even though you’re trying very hard to make us use it objectively. So OK I’ll stick my neck out: you are ugly. But I’ll tell you what, you can bloody well write, you are clearly a strident personality and I reckon if I met you and your ugliness, I would meet so much more of so much more value that ugly probably wouldn’t be what I was thinking.

  96. Watch the movie Herald and Maude, Maude would laugh at the label of ugly being used so one dimensional. I think you’d dig the movie and its premises, it’s a cult film with a great sound track by Cat Stevens—-”If you wanna be glad, be glad etc…..the lyrics to this tune says alot about the subject of choosing what you want to be..

  97. I’m the type of person that believes the only “Ugly” people in this world are the ones who are selfish and mean. Yes, there may be unnattractive people but if they are nice and caring then they are far from ugly. My mom always told me that the people who made fun of me when I was younger were the ugly ones because they didnt have a heart or respect. The most beautful people in the world are the ones that put others before themselves. What’s on the outside shouldn’t classify you as ugly. The fact that you recongize and own your “ugliness” is awesome. Young girls deal with this stuff all the time and I feel they should read this and know that no matter what you feel is “wrong” with your body, you should own it and be proud of who you are.

  98. No, you don’t even know me, so please don’t call me weird, I don’t know you either, so I won’t call you ugly, one man’s ugly is another woman’s weird. You probably wouldn’t even “get” the movie anyway, so skip it. Ugly is as ugly does.

  99. I love this post. It is well-written and well-explained and I like particularly that you took the time to differentiate between your teenage thoughts and your thoughts now. I completely agree that self-identification is not the same as self-esteem. I hope you have many teenagers who are inspired by you, no matter what ‘looks-box’ they fall into!

  100. That was absolutely beautiful. We do live in a society where beauty is defined too much. We tend to box people into beautiful and ugly depending on their weight and body type. But after all the eye is just a tool for what the mind perceives.

  101. I have a lazy eye, but other than that I have what would be called “attractive features” I get a lot of “you would be so beautiful if it weren’t for that eye of yours” I’ve come to accept it and understand when people can’t. The inability to look people in the eye makes some people very uncomfortable. I’m glad that you embrace who you are. I don’t think you are ugly, but like you said it’s a matter of opinion ;)

  102. Okay, love love love this post!
    I recently read an article on xojane about whether women would ever gain the right to be ugly and it really made me think.
    Your bluntness and realness is quite entertaining and this is a thoroughly enjoying read.

  103. I truly admire your honesty, not just within yourself but with society. The way I see it is that even what society considers to be beautiful is a really warped spectrum. Beauty is relative and everyone has different perceptions as to what they consider to be ugly. To me personally, being ugly isn’t about physical features, it’s about whether or not people have a moral compass and are good or bad people, even the most stunning woman in the world won’t be seen as stunning if she’s not got a nice bone in her body. Kudos to you. Honestly, if anyone ever says anything bad – it says more about them than it does about you.

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  105. Pingback: Beauty Is Relative | love from tara

  106. Every girl should read this, whether she is beautiful, ugly pretty, or whatever. Because THIS IS – what you call ‘accepting what you are’. :) If you feel ugly (whether you really are, or to what extent..etc, is a different thing), then you need to find a way to deal with it.. in your mind, so that you can live life without bitterness and self hate. I am so happy that YOU-ARE-OKAY with the ugliness that YOU SEE in yourself. The truth is, E V E R Y B O D Y is ugly in their own way. I mean to say, go to the hottest woman you can find around you and ask her if there’s anything she would like to change about herself(physically), and she will give you a list.. “Oh i hate my nose, .. or, gosh i wish i had bigger lips”.. and so on! Even I do find a certain level of ugliness in me :D ..Even I am trying to accept it, and be okay with it. :)

  107. Knowledge and acceptance – especially of one self – is power. So power to yah. You must be a pretty incredible person to know.

  108. Wow, great post. I wish I read something like this in my early teens. It’s quite empowering.. I grew up with my extended family telling me I was ugly and my sister was beautiful. This was further reinforced by the fact I was bullied throughout my school life while she was popular. I have “grown into” myself now and have higher self esteem but I still waver a bit into my former insecure self sometimes. Like some of the other comments, to me “ugly” is on the inside. I couldn’t describe someone I see as ugly based on their appearance because you never know what a gem of a person they are. However, the fact you view yourself in this way and embrace it, is very brave and I admire you for that.

  109. What a brave post. I enjoyed your writing and I can identify, I spent most of my life calling myself ugly too. I used to call myself the ‘bride of frankenstein’. After years of struggling I came out of that cloud (I had depression for many years) and now I accept myself and can even call myself beautiful. It is subjective as you say. I wrote about this issue on my blog also, it’s a part of me. Btw, I see a pretty young lady when I look at your picture.

  110. I found this post oddly empowering. I could really identify with it as well and it made me feel a little better about myself. I really like how you pointed out that while beauty is subjective, there are also clearly defined standards right now of what is considered beautiful and that some people, like us apparently, dont fit those norms. And maybe thats ok.

  111. I suffer from acne, and the other day I was thinking about ways to write a blog about how I was ugly and was getting annoyed as well because people kept saying I wasn’t. Like you say, it’s a part of me they weren’t accepting. I don’t have low self-esteem but it’s how I feel. I’ve never had this and I know people see it when they talked to me. And then I thought…the truth is everyone is beautiful but everyone will have their flaws! Mine is acne, yours is being “fat,” and for others it may be being to skinny. But none of that matters. What matters is the personality of the person! I have a cousin who is “fat” but once knowing her she’s the most beautiful person I know because she is always positive! And I bet you are too! I’m so glad I read this! <3 you've inspired me to be myself no matter what and accept things!

  112. Reblogged this on Does Nicky Knows and commented:
    Dear Gillian,

    Off course you have the right to identify yourself in any way you would want to, but identifying yourself as ugly is selling yourself way to short. But even worse you are selling society short, and you can not put us all in one basket. Even better, I refuse to be put into that basket.

    You automatically assume that society has one view, but that is definitely not the case. As our society exists out of millions if not billions of different opinions and views on the world. Sure there is a view on beauty, sure we all think some of the models and some of the movie stars are the prettiest we have ever seen. But there are plenty of A-listers I do not find attractive, and that is just my opinion. If we all thought exactly the same about beauty and what is attractive, we would all be after the same person.

    I truly understand were you are coming from, but in my opinion (sorry to be blunt) you are blind if you do not see your own beauty in the mirror. When I look at you I see a beautiful young women, who is not only beautiful on the outside, but also not afraid to speak her mind. That is exactly what I find attractive.

    Please do not call yourself ugly. Calling yourself ugly is like calling me ugly, because I also do not meet ‘societies standards’ as you have put them down.
    But I recognize that there are different opinions, and even if I am fat, My mouth does strange things while talking, I have despite my size no ass at all etc.etc. I am not ugly, I define my own beauty.

    • Dear Nicky,

      Thank you for your thoughtful letter. I think you raise a number of very valid points.

      I will however continue to self-identify as ugly, and I do this for a number of reasons. I do not do it to make other people who do not meet ‘society’s standards’ feel bad about themselves, nor do I do it to put myself down, or to garner sympathy (as I explained in the post). I do it because I refuse to lie to myself. I refuse to clutch desperately onto an idea that I held all throughout my childhood that I am actually a stunningly beautiful person and the world does not know it yet. I am the sort of person who needs to be honest with herself, and to do that, I need to acknowledge my ugliness and accept it as a part of me. And I do, with great enthusiasm.

      That does not mean that I do not also acknowledge my beauty, however. Or that I cannot see beauty when I look in the mirror. I just have not talked about my beauty in this post. This post is about my right to self-identify as ugly, and at some point I may write about my corresponding right to believe in my beauty as well, in the face of what the commercial world says to me and to pretty much all women.

      I see a lot of things when I look in the mirror. My issue is that the ugliness that I see is something that I am supposed to deny, or be ashamed of. And I very simply do not want to do that.

      I will close off by saying thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful comment. It made me think about my stance on this, and I hope you continue to read posts like these (not just from me, mind) and provide such thoughtful feedback on them.

  113. Couldn’t read it all because my laptop bugged. However the main premise contravenes the one and ONLY important aspect of self worth – you as a person. Our looks are the least fascinating aspect of being human. Both Biologically and to anyone who’s opinion is worth listening too. That is why I say you are absolutely gorgeous, stunning and this is irrevocable.

  114. Very nice read, but hey, you’re not ugly :). Beauty is subjective and stuff but it’s also not solely an outside thing and while the world will judge you by your looks, the truly beautiful people will shine despite physical appearance.

  115. I love it! I totally understand why you said that. You want to move on with your life -very mature! You have and advantage over the pretty girls, they will have that always define them, you on the other hand have decided to now go out and do whatever you want with your life, I appaud you! take the ball and run!

  116. Yours is a well-written article that is very worth the reading. I have never struggled with ‘ugly’ but I have had a lifetime of wrestling with ‘plain’. I think that my condition is the worse because I can hide it. You have come right out and dealt with yours and all who read you are the better for it. Write on!

  117. There is no such thing as a physically ugly person. Attractiveness is a made up concept that we learned as children from the external world. The only true ugly is people who are mean, fake, disrespectful, etc. Pretty is happy, honest, kind, respectful, genuine, giving. End of story.

  118. Maybe ditch the “Fat” necklace. From my point of view, which is all I have to offer, putting a label on your fatitude is a bit degrading. I know I am fat, I know it every time I pull on a pair of size 20 skinny jeans. I don’t need a label to remind me or anyone else of it. We live in a very superficial world, it’s okay to take ownership of the word fat, or fluffy since that one makes me feel better lol, but know that the people that love you don’t care and the rest don’t matter.

  119. I’m going to say that you are not UGLY! And secondly when we are teenagers it’s hard because we have hormones, pressure from other teens, and just because someone is so called “pretty” according to a magazine that doesn’t make a bit of difference what matters is what’s in your heart. This is the most important thing ever. If you have good morals, you are a caring and kind individual then this is beautiful at least that’s what I think. As you get older you will realize this too right now it’s hard as a teen. Please keep telling yourself your pretty then you will believe it if you say it enough. It’s important we all love ourselves. ~Steph~ :)

  120. I enjoyed reading this post. I struggled with the same thing in my younger years and still today to an extent sometimes but, oh well. Lol. I got tired of fighting it one day recently and chopped all my hair off and finally stopped caring so much about what people think of me. I’ve never felt better. I’ve even began a blog two days ago. I was worried what people would think of me again for a slight moment then said “OH WELL!!!” And started posting. Haha. Thanks for sharing.

  121. What the media portrays to us as desirable is such a small portion of society, photoshopped, and entirely unrealistic.

    You are quite beautiful young woman – you can’t hide your spirit in that photo :-) (I don’t like the fat necklace – hey I’m fat too, happy to admit that but I don’t love the necklace)

  122. You’ve got balls, woman. Respect.
    Anyhow, I don’t know if my word counts for much, but you’re WAY prettier than the kind of woman who labels others “ugly” in the first place. Honest.
    The fact that you don’t “wryt lyk dis” and have a sense of humor tilts the scales even more to your favor.
    It’s so comforting to see a woman being herself on the internet. You go, girl!

  123. Only you have the right to put a label on yourself, I agree, although you don’t meet my personal definition of ugly. I think ugliness generally comes from within and, you are not coming across as an ugly person, just a strong one, with a lot of certainty about who you are – and that’s rarer than you think. Best wishes x

  124. I’m not big on labels either, and I definitely applaud you defending your right to say what you want – but the only “ugly” people are the ones who don’t try to get to know a person for who they are and not just what they look like. And who are they to judge what’s hot and what’s not – they don’t speak for everyone. Enjoy your life, love yourself always and chuck the necklace, cause it’s a label and it isn’t “you.” (Your writing is really good BTW – you were freshly-pressed!)

  125. I like your style. And, you are not ugly. I know many people, especially men, think fat automatically equals ugly but that’s patently ridiculous and we’ll ignore them for the moment. Your features are nice and your skin is quite nice – fair and smooth and unblemished. Your attitude – honest, not self-pitying, smart, humorous – is the opposite of ugly.

    Albert Einstein was ‘ugly’ too, objectively, if you knew nothing about him. But we do, and he’s not. Like you. Cheers!

  126. “I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it’ well, no, you never will stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?’
    Charlie Sheen

    Now, THAT IS UGLY. You, on the other hand, have way more to offer the world than that. Stay gold.

  127. You are a beautiful kind of ugly! More beautiful than ugly….ok all the way beautiful and this post is AWESOME!!! Thank you for it ;)

  128. This has got to be the most honest and the bravest post I’ve read in a long long time. I can so totally relate to what you’re saying here.

    I grew up looking malnutritioned (read ugly) and being told that I would never be able to find a good husband because I looked like a scarecrow. My dark complexion wasn’t helping my case in a fairness-obsessed country. I was twenty-two, depressed, and unwilling to believe in the concept of inner beauty.

    Then, one day, I just said it aloud. Yeah, I know I’m ugly. So what? It shocked other people, but made me feel so much better!

    The truth really does set you free, doesn’t it?

  129. I think there’s more sparkle than you think in the way that you have totally gone against society’s ‘norm’ of dealing with an issue, yet turned it around to give yourself a clearer head. As you say, ugliness is subjective…so don’t expect everyone here to agree with you :)

  130. I’ve always pondered three wishes; if I could have been blessed with one overwhelming success which would I choose? Would beauty grant happiness – if I had looks that attracted the attention of the wealthy and famous would it bring happiness or pain? I certainly wouldn’t have been granted the judgement to tell good from evil as well Had I been granted wealth I could buy plastic surgery, a personal trainer, fabulous clothing, and travel to exotic places. But would people love me for me or for my money and my polished emptiness? If I’d been blessed with brains and talent I could overcome my crappy misfortunes and trudge through life. I would be able to learn from my mistakes and move from loser to winner. With intelligence I would learn from those that came before that the true purpose of life is find inner strength, stability and happiness in spite of the odds stacked against us. After a lifetime of trying half-assed attempts at self-beautification I’ve finally given up and accepted my own dab, weird, unattractive looks. When I have to throw out 49 photos to get 1 half acceptable portrait its time to throw the towel over my face. Thanks for a refreshing, brave, and humorous look at life.

  131. the fact that you have spoken about it so beautifully, makes you a woman of substance – you have inspired and consoled so many hearts and minds…..and hail to you, i shall say it too – ugliness is my right too…..congratulations on being freshly pressed, look forward to your posts.

  132. i respect ur view..bt its true that some people’s are so friendly and loving that we find them really beutiful compared to others..i have a friend who says she is fat and not good looking..even our mutual freids say the same about her but i have never felt so ..may because she had been friendly to me and always treated me like a little sister that cheerfullness made her look beautiful and bubbly :)so dont always think friends are objecting just because they feel sympathy to u…afterall beauty of the mind attracts a person more thn beauty of body :)

  133. Self-identity hurrah! This was a great read :-) And in my subjective opinion, your kind eyes and shy-ish smile are lovely. I just wrote a piece on Saturday about accepting my own post-baby body so I’m totally feeling this post!

  134. I thought this was brilliantly written and actually very inspiring. I certainly salute you and definitely admire you. Go you for having the power and the wisdom to speak out against the norm. I wish I had your self-acceptance :)

  135. I loved your post. It’s nice to read someone’s opinion on themselves and trying to explain why do you accept all of it. And like you stated in one of the comments that you indentify youself as someone smart, history-hating,…and that is the topic on which you have to write another post, because I’d love to read that”

  136. Sorry to be that annoying person you mention :) but you are not ugly. Similar to what others have commented, “ugly” is for mean people. Like Carla’s suggestion, what if you tried sincerely accepting the truth that you ARE beautiful, and allowed yourself to really believe it? If you must label yourself, why not try on the truth of your beauty and see how you feel and how others respond to you? We don’t have to keep labeling, believing, and behaving as we always have…we have the right to change our mind (even about ourselves) and the way we live. Just a Mom out in cyber-world who sees a spirited, brilliant young woman online who just happens to also be beautiful.

  137. I absolutely love this. As a teenage girl, I hear all of these girls complaining about how ugly they are, clearly only fishing for compliments. Your acceptance of yourself is so inspiring. Even if you identify yourself as ugly, I think you are a beautiful person for having the confidence to accept you for you. SO many “hot” girls can’t do that. Everyone could learn a thing or two about you(: have a lovely day! x

  138. Thank you so much for sharing. I recently admitted publicly that “I am fat.” (See my “about me” page on my blog.) It was liberating, and I played it (sort of) for laughs, but it still hurts. I imagine writing that “you’re ugly” felt liberating but stung a little, too? Anyway, keep writing! -C.

  139. First of all, you’re wrong! You’re not ugly! You are beautiful! And I love your attitude to be yourself and love yourself right now, right where you are at! More people need to learn this…including me.

  140. I did not laugh as I read your post, but I did cringe a bit…which is (I think) sort of what you were after. You made me think, and consider, and probably rethink again, many of my preconceived notions. When my children have commented on someone being “ugly” or “fat” I have always corrected them and said that all people are “just different” (which is, I think, a more neutral comment rather than negative). I believe that the word “ugly” has a bitter flavor and I hope that “flavor” doesn’t end up poisoning your self-worth. You are a wonderful writer — thank you for making me think…

  141. I’ve gone through Mom’s photo albums ripping out the photos of me, and I do hate mirrors. Always have, always will.

    For ages, I avoided posting my picture on any of my social media, which may have hurt my sales. But my teacher said I don’t have to be attractive, just professional. Since that lowered the bar down to where I could reach it, well, here I am in my suit, looking ugly. What about it? :-)

  142. Sometimes I catch myself giving more attention to the prettier girls wanting to be with them but after little time together their true colors usually come out. thanks for the article i enjoyed reading it and love people like you that care more about inner beauty it is the greatest beauty you can have! great post and dont change your ways.

  143. I absolutely love this post. I found my personality being more accepted by those who didn’t fit into society’s mould of beauty. And while I always caught flack for blending in with that mould, I mostly relate better with those who don’t. I think it’s an internal thing. Many insecurities from childhood have lingered throughout my being into adulthood and broadened my personal definitions of beauty. I think your outlook on “ugly” is quite refreshing. It seems so much harder to get along with anyone who is always down on their physical appearance. I have to agree with some of the comments. I wouldn’t call anyone that I think is beautiful, ugly. Most people would naturally take that as an insult. Some of my bigger friends take offense when I say “You’re not fat”, in response to their “I’m so fat”. And then they like to comment on how skinny I am. That is mainly because their ideas on beauty differ from my own. No one is the same. And this is such a cliche, but beauty can only truly be judged by what is on the inside. I also really like the fact that you are using it as a part of your self-identification. Not necessarily from the negative sense of the word, but more so the acceptance of yourself. Nonetheless, the word “ugly” is so commonly used with a negative meaning, and because clearly, you don’t seem “ugly” (on the inside), then it isn’t necessarily a good marker. Love reading from your perspective. Good luck to you and congrats on being Freshly Pressed! :)

  144. A very refreshing and brutally honest read. I think you’re being a little tough on yourself, though. Whilst I mightn’t be pigeon-holed as ‘ugly’, I, (and millions of people like me) am imperfect in every way imaginable. I have an asymmetric face, one ear is higher than the other (my ears are HUGE!!!) and I have curvature of the spine (Scoliosis). So, in actual fact the people that you may regard as generally physically attractive are VERY far from perfect. Well done for being Freshly Pressed! :)

  145. After reading your post, that’s probably one of the most courageous post I think I’ve seen on Word Press. You are a beautiful person because your flaws. You are you. No person should have to live up to media standard to feel pretty. I relate to you so much. I could never identify myself as pretty or likable, but you are such a strong person for admitting to something such as this while the rest of the public eye tries to ignore it. you are truly an amazing person for living perfectly content out of media ‘norms”

  146. Very ballsy post. It is interesting and it very much made me think of how I see myself. Being ugly is very much, like being old, considered a very negative thing. Perhaps not in the same way but there are similarities. I guess while it might not benefit you in societal terms by saying, “hey I’m ugly”, it is good that you can say hey, I am not the stereotypical hot girl and I’m okay with that. I like me.

    I wish I knew how to do that.

  147. Reblogged this on Just Sayin' and commented:
    Love this post as it very much hits home. I am definitely not attractive in terms of what society considers attractive. And this lady makes some very honest and correct points.

    Have a read!

  148. i think self identification and acceptance are very rare these days … But I’m a massive believer in you seeing someone’s soul over their looks … Either way you’ve got a knack for writing so keep that up !

  149. As my mother & grandmother always said “ugly is as ugly does”. Read as, you are what you do, regardless of what you look like. Hell. I’m not pretty, and I’ll never be. But, neither do I think I’m ugly. I just don’t think I’m pretty – this is a very fine distinction, but also a pertinent one to this discussion. People don’t have to be pretty to be good. Taken one step farther, pretty does not equal nice, good. just or easy to be around. Who would you rather be friends with? Me? I don’t care if someone is outwardly symmetric, I care for the insides. And, since you like other blogs dealing with body issues, here’s one for you! http://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/ Ragen is awesome.

  150. You have articulated everything I have been feeling since I was 14. I’m 22 now, but I’m at the phase where I reluctantly identify as ugly – your high school and early university phase. I have not reached acceptance yet.

    Have to go, but I want you to know that I think you are a beautiful, fat woman. Even if you don’t think so.

    And you are write beautifully. Best blog post I’ve seen since I started this blog in August.

  151. I appreciate your courage and honesty. We all have things we must accept about ourselves that we are not fond of (to state it lightly)… Acceptance isn’t easy and apparently takes acknowledgement and time!!! Getting better over here. You have a gift for expression- keep up the sharing!

  152. i understand what you feel, i think my face is ‘ugly’ because i see a beautifull women on TV, internet or Megazine everyday everytime, flawless skin, nice nose, sexy lips, but then i saw my face in the Mirror, i think i’m gonna cry,,,,the only thing i thank to God is My body, yes,,i have a nice (Sexy) body for Asia (i’m Asia girl btw),,,the reason why i think i’m ugly is i have acne on my face, my nose is Big, & my Hair always messy no matter how hard i try to make it looks good..but i still waiting for that time when my skin become flawless & my hair look good. i don’t care if people say they are ugly as long they have a good heart i like them.

  153. Hey that was really inspirational. I love how brave you are to embrace yourself and are willing to tell anyone. Like most teenage girls I struggle with my apperence especialy since I have a scar right in the middle of my right cheek. When people say they cant see it I cant believe them because it is a part of me and I hate it and love it at the same time. Please check out my blog gurlwithablog to help me get my message out. Thank you so much for being so being so insperational.

  154. This was the most brave and beautiful post I have ever read. Your ability to take a look from a shamefully vain perspective and share your thoughts. We’ve all thought it at one time or another and I surely identify with it. I don’t know you at all but I love you for it, and hope that through whatever I share through my writings that I can only be as open and honest. You are beautiful and your words are hilarious and touching. Cheers ! And I look forward to reading more =)

  155. Pingback: Freshly Riffed 57: So You Think You Can Stone Me And Spit In My Eye? | A VERY STRANGE PLACE

  156. Kudos to you !! But why think of yourself as not beautiful or ugly ? Who defines what is “beauty” anyway ? I may sound cliched but according to me ,physical appearances are a very shallow metrics of judging the beauty of a person . Your honesty ,good thoughts and intentions and intelligence makes you indeed a beautiful person in my eyes !!

  157. Lovely! Two thumbs way up!

    Gotta say, I’m not fat, but I’m kinda jealous of the people who are, sometimes. They always seem to have more force of personality than The Skinny People.

    This thing of people being ugly is a concept I’m still not too comfortable with, because I honestly don’t see people that way, but I still understand and accept it. Brains are more important than looks, anyway.

    Thanks for being awesome.

  158. Thank you for the lovely post. I think the thing I love the most about this is how you own who you are and accept things about yourself and therefore these things don’t hurt you. Which is something we all struggle with. And I admire you for being open about it (something I need to learn since I lie to myself about myself all the time, ugh BOO ME). Go girl!! :)

  159. I admire you for writing this and thank you. I love this statement — “These features are pleasing to people who know and like me, because they associate them with the me that they know and like.” I am older than you and have yet to learn this. That statement alone makes your far from what I would consider ugly. You are in inspiration for a lot of young women.

  160. Thanks for sharing, I enjoyed the post and hope to read more in-depth on the topic if you choose to elaborate in more detail someday. I would like to share a slightly different experience. I grew up ‘pretty’. And I quickly learned to enjoy the positive attention I received as a result. But I noticed at age 7 upon being remarked as pretty by a family friend that it stopped there. I wasn’t called smart, funny, or creative like I might have wished. I slowly started to equate said compliment as a shallow and unintentional insult. Now when someone other than a partner calls me pretty I get somewhat distraught. I wonder if they think that I am only a body. I am insulted when nothing more is expected of me, like I have already done my service to society and thus treat me like a child. When strangers call me pretty I can’t help but stare them down with disgust and walk away (on days that I have a little less self-control that is). As I do not think it appropriate or necessary. If one wants to start a conversation then engage me with something interesting to say. Hopefully, I am over-reacting as most people just want to make a connection or pay a compliment. So for the most part I try to fake a smile, say thank you and make my exit. I think it subpar that in today’s general society you can pass the test with just looks. I want people to really realize the potential they possess in talents and personality. Of course just because one is pretty doesn’t mean they aren’t talented, I merely believe that society stops pushing or expecting more from them.

  161. Damn girl – this is so so so beautiful. It is so perfectly and wholesomely human. You ARE beautiful and I speak that from reading this post (subjectively), to be honest I didn’t really take a good gander at your pic – it didn’t really matter to me. The point is that you are strong and a true milestone in the evolution of beauty. Objectively speaking, societally deemed beauty can be perfectly debilitating and not liberating at all. Once people have spotted “beauty” they tend to look no further and much is ignored. Any ways, reading this post just rocked my world.

  162. Reblogged this on LGBT Community and commented:
    Now here is someone who is comfortable with their appearence. Which constitutes how people should view the rights of every individual. She’s making herself heard and she is proud of what she is saying. A big thanks to to Fatshion Hustlings you are awesome.

  163. I think of everyone as different body types similar to how different breeds of dogs or animals have it . I never judge about things like that its just natural to look different then another group of people !
    Loved the passage though !

  164. I admire your confidence but at the same time feel that you labelling yourself according to societies opinion. No-one has the right to make you see yourself the way they do. You are an individual- beautiful, unique and different in your own right. Embrace that and not telling yourself you accept being ugly just to somehow move on.

  165. Honestly, just accepting things makes it easier to move on. You at more of an ease with yourself; mentally and emotionally. I admire your strength but would also like to say- you are an individual- beautiful, unique and different, that’s your right. Embrace that and not other people’s opinion of you.

  166. I really, really loved this post. We just need to love and accept ourselves. It reminds me of what I learned in class the other day when my professor asked, “What makes you unique?” The answer: your flaws. :)

  167. Wow. I wish I had my stuff together like you do. I’m considered “trim” by people, but stand me next to some gorgeous woman with nice boobs, a cute butt and a pretty face and I feel…less than. I’m 57 and although I’ve gotten better in recent years, I don’t know that I’ll ever be where you are. I think you rock.

  168. I am an educator on interpersonal and family communication. I have never come across someone so confident in their self concept as I have with your post! You are remarkable and I will be recommending your blog to my students. Thank you for your candid honesty about yourself and society. Well done!

  169. I absolutely love this. As I get older, and especially after becoming a mother, I sometimes think I am better at dealing with my short-comings. Then I pay attention to the verbal dialogue in my head when I look at myself. I think I am more distracted than accepting of myself now. This morning, while catching myself off-guard, I fell into the wishing well of all the renovations I would do to my face if I cared enough about personal appearances! “You are really fucking ugly” is more precisely what I hear in my head.

    Which brings me to you. While you may identify as ugly, I see a lot of things in your face that I long for: symmetry, rosy cheeks, a sweet non-deformed nose and a really nice smile with great teeth! So, though this article is brilliant and I do believe that accepting our features as they are is incredibly important, especially when someone is not blessed with textbook good-looks, but I do have to point out that I guess I am one of those weirdos that thinks you DO have standard aesthetically good looks, as described above. The fact that you are a great writer with a unique and enjoyable sense of humor is just icing on the cake (which, for the record, I love enough to be categorized as a fatty, too!)

  170. Howdy, I just wanted to say that I rather liked this post. I’ll speak for myself and say that when I see a person, the first thing I notice is appearance. I note whether the person is “ugly” or “attractive”, I note their physical parameters, I note their teeth, lips, etc.
    This sizing up isn’t a judgement on the person as a whole. I don’t decide that a person I don’t find physically attractive must also be stupid, mean, slobbish, not good enough for me, etc. Personality is something far different from, and superior to, physical appearance.
    But what I find to be attractive would most likely be ugly to another. And I think all people should be free to be honest in their assessment of another’s physical self. Its not about condemning someone for not meeting a standard that society has set. A standard that so few can meet, and, really, who the hell would want to? I don’t actually find Brad Pitt to be attractive, but I do find Chris Bores (Irate Gamer) damn fine… so sue me. :)
    Maybe if we weren’t so damn touchy about our bodies and everyone else’s bodies, we could stop worrying about hurting feelings, being politically incorrect, and just enjoy the human-to-human experience.
    Thank you for this post. It brought a new perspective and awareness to my mind.
    Dorothy

  171. What an interesting post. I feel like this is one of those things that falls under if you don’t like it, change it. If you don’t like being fat, find the willpower to change it. But if you don’t mind, then that’s just a personal preference. I’m glad you’re confident enough in yourself that you can make decisions outside the realm of societies idea. Thank you for sharing.
    Xox meg

    eefbymeg.wordpress.com

  172. Go you! Self acceptance is the key to happiness! My son came home in tears because the other kids said his dad was fat. So I asked him if the statement was true. He said yes. So I suggested next time they say it, nod your head, shrug and say ‘yeah, he is fat’ and keep on doing what you were doing. He did. And you know what? No more teasing!

  173. What an awesome post! I also believe the only ugly people are those that look like trolls on the inside. Very well put and courageous. I am a fan of your humor as well as your attitude.

  174. Pingback: Ugliness – My Right. | Inspired Expressions

  175. The problem with society is that they see beauty as something to look at and see with our eyes only. Beaut isn’t just what we see in the surface, you are beautiful, this post is beautiful, its honest and real and that is beautiful! Just for the record when seeing your picture I didn’t for one second look at it and think ‘ugly’ thanks for a great read!

  176. An interesting perspective – I admire your decision to be outside the box. I grew up with the same issues, I was told daily that I was ugly, that I was fat – stupid etc. For years I fought my body, trying to be thinner.
    It wasn’t until I reached my forties did I have the confidence that shines through your post. To love and accept myself just as I am. Now when I try on a dress in a shop and it doesn’t fit I realise the idiocy of a society where women try and fit clothes and punish themselves because they don’t fit into the manufacturers specification!

  177. Great post! #1 -You are NOT ugly! What makes a person beautiful is the person, not the visual. #2 Great writer!
    People are who they are and if there is ugly there, it’s due to their character and who they choose to be

  178. I wanted to tell you that all aesthetics aside, and all of what society deems as “beautiful” or “pretty,” I think you are beautiful for your strength. Your character. Your comfort in your own skin. See, some people say, “You’re so beautiful!” to me, and yet, for so long, I was so insecure in my own skin that I became anorexic, believing somehow, that the more weight I lost, the more likely I was to continue to receive those complements. What a lie! I’ve seen the opposite. I teach kickboxing, and there is a girl I’m training now who is very overweight. It makes it hard for her to make it through the class. But I see her great heart, her kindness, enthusiasm, and joy. I know what we can do for her. She’s insecure about her health and fitness, and we can give her confidence for the first time, learning a new skill. I’ll get her to do things she never thought she could do. I believe in her. Her mom, however, does not. When introduced to the instructors, she was asked, “Is this your daughter?” and she replied, “Yeah, that one’s mine. I birthed all 200+ pounds of her.” That angered me. I know the feeling of insecurity. I saw the cringe on her face as her mom said that. It clearly wasn’t the first time. It upset me because I am proud of her, I admire her heart, her perseverance to make it through a fitness class, which I know must be hard. I think she’s beautiful because I know her now. To have somebody criticize her beauty based on a body she was given, a body she has no control over, except to eat healthy and exercise, seemed so unfair to me.. Yet, I’m just as insecure as her, if not more so at times. You are doing the strongest thing a woman could do, and you are learning to accept yourself as you are. I am so very admiring of that. Keep going. Don’t let the comments or lack thereof from people shake you. Shape your inner beauty, because outer beauty, it’s all going to fade. I work with seniors every day. I see pictures of them in their prime. And even, the most beautiful of them, all get old, wrinkled, and their bodies break down. Forge what you do have control of. Your character, your kindness, your integrity, your friendships. Those are lasting. Those make the difference. I’m proud of you, and I’m impressed by you.

  179. I have to say that your blog post (being the first I’ve read on here) has genuinely inspired me. I’ve suffered with self-esteem woes since I was small, but you’ve inspired me to just accept that who and what I am is okay. I don’t want/neeed to change myself for others. Thanks for the confidence boost for my day :)
    Many thanks,
    Freyer :)

  180. Reblogged this on A Hobbit's Adventure Of The World and commented:
    Hi all, it’s my first post on my personal blog, and yes, it’s a reblog, but I believe that everyone should read this particular post as it is rather poignant and personal to the society we live in today here in Britain where we believe crimson hair and sharpie-drawn eyebrows are beautiful.
    Peace, love and all things beautiful,
    Freyer <3

  181. Thank you for an interesting and thought-provoking post. On one hand, I think it takes a lot of strength and self-definition to say “I am ugly.” On the other hand, I wonder if it is allowing yourself to be defined by others. You have a new follower in me! :)

  182. Well written, and I admire your honesty. For me ugliness is someone who is mean, belittles others, and loves to hate. So although I do get your point, I do think that not being “pretty” does not an ugly person make. But you’re yourself and that’s the best thing. It gives you comfort to accept yourself exactly as you are, keep it up!

  183. I can not express my love for this post! I love how you are openly able to express your feelings on yourself and differentiate what society expects. Very powerful and I hope you continue to influence others like myself!

  184. I haven’t read all of the comments but really enjoyed your post, you’re a talented writer. It’s incredible how looks impact on people so much. We need to retrain the way we think and somehow need to retrain society that beauty isn’t just about physical appearance.

  185. TBH when I looked at your photo before I read the article I thought to myself “Hell Yes she is ugly!”, sorry for my boldness but I type to truth. But after I read your blog (which was genius btw) I brought the page back up to your photo for the second time and I found you to be quite adorable actually. So your right, beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and I suppose the more you know of someone, the more the eye changes.

    Lots of love <3

  186. Hah, this post puts words to my main thought when watching that super popular Dove commercial a while back. (The one with the women describing themselves to a composite artist)

    Oh, great, you found out that you’re not ugly! Hoooraaaaayyy! Let’s all cry now because we’re pretty!

    Who cares? Who cares if you’re pretty or ugly or fat or thin or whatever? Appearance has little to do with what you are capable of as a person. I’d really like to get away from saying “all women are beautiful” (or men, as well) just because even if it’s positive, that’s STILL focusing only on APPEARANCE.

    Whoops that turned into a little rant. Lovely post, again :)

  187. As a teacher who deals daily with kids struggling with image issues, I appreciate and applaud your post and wish more folks would “go there” and be as real as you. You call yourself fat and ugly, and while I respect your right to say so, I emphatically disagree. You exude warmth, humor, and vulnerability, and that is very attractive. :)

  188. This really hit home for me. I hate when I joke about my weight or how I look and people respond “you’re not fat, you’re not ugly.” Come on, I have a fantastic eye for aesthetic don’t insult me!

  189. Wow standing ovation for having the balls to stand up for your rights. On the subject of being large this seems to be the norm these days… Have you seen the TV adverts for clothing catalogues in sizes 18 to 32. What the hell happened to sizes, 6,8,10,12,14 and 16?

  190. I totally salute you because of your optimism. In fact, this woke me up a little. I was in a mood where I care so much about people around me and how they judge me. Ended up, I can’t open up and I can’t trust anyone. It’s a long story , just posted bout it. After reading about it, I realized I just need to accept myself. Why would I care so much about people? They will judge and criticize no mater what you do. If I continue to care about the others’ thought so much I think I will aged really fast and die before the age of 30. HEHE. Really well said. Like your thought.

    *Btw, I have really bad english. I hope you understand my comment.*

  191. Okay first of all, you’re not ugly. No one is ‘ugly’, we’re all just different from each other. Honestly speaking, I have always been rather over weight, and all through high school, I was really disturbed and sometimes bullied, but as I grew up, I realized that I didn’t even care anymore. I started calling myself fat when I’m in public, b/c I’m aware that I’m over-weight, and then ppl stopped bothering me, coz they realized its not effecting me anymore. It’s your body, it’s your decision. No one has the right to judge you. You are beautiful.

  192. I’m not a good looking person, but sadly I am convinced that looks do make a difference to how well a person does in life. If such a thing were possible I would love to magically transform into societies idea of beautiful and sexy and live that way for a year or two and see if it made any difference to the way I am treated as a person and if it made my day-to-day existence and social interactions any easier. Sorry if it is a personal question but if someone offered you money to undergo any and all cosmetic surgery that you felt you needed (I don’t think you need any btw)would you take it? I know I would if it were offered to me. Just curious.

    • Oh, you’re absolutely correct. No doubt about it. My “discrimination of expertise”, for lack of better phrasing, is size discrimination rather than attractiveness discrimination, but it’s a similar sort of thing. There are actual studies showing that fat people’s lives within society are more difficult in a number of ways. Beautiful people, like thin people, have it much easier and are treated better by the world around them.
      As for your question… that’s a difficult one. I also have mental health issues, and while many with mental health issues would not get rid of them if there were a magic wand, I would absolutely abolish that shit from my being faster than you can say “but it’s part of me”. Because while my mental illness is a part of me, it is a part that is way more trouble than its worth, and it prevents me from being who I could be. But I don’t know if I feel the same way towards my ugliness. I certainly would have said that I would get rid of it in the past, but now… yeah, I’m really not sure.

  193. Beauty is just one of infinite pursuits and skills people can choose to pick up. Society just happens to inflate the value of beauty by worlds and systems; for better or more likely worse.

    Self-improvement is often cognitive. IMO, it’s perfectly fine for anyone to decide “I’m ugly, and I *could* look better, but really, I’m going to focus on more important objectives.” Sure worked for me at least. I’m currently losing weight (the proper way), but it’s for health reasons. I look a little better than my previously not-impressive self, but it’s just a side effect, and not a goal.

    Lack of drive, lack of ambition, no desire to add knowledge, craft, skills, and caring to oneself: these are true failings.

    That said…

    Congratulations on being freshly pressed!

  194. I applaud this post for sooo many reasons! I too have at times felt ugly, but also unattractive. Albeit my reasoning stems from a different place, I never understood why other people would adamantly try to convince me I wasn’t ugly lol. In the end, we have the power when we OWN the the flaws or differences that separate us as individuals

  195. I have a lot of respect towards you as a person with a great personality… Beauty comes within not by looks. A person can be pretty from his or her looks but cold and blunt within! no Your A BEAUTIFUL PERSON INSIDE AND OUT :D be proud of your self and be confident by your looks and weight :D Your not UGLY your BEAUTIFUL :D

  196. I like this very much. You’re a freaking trailblazer. How refreshing to see someone create their own identity while also re-casting particular social values. Your admission of being fat completely calls into question the need for people to reflexively respond “but you’re not fat!” Thank you for helping to de-stigmatize this concept and for being a beautiful model for others. I wish I had known just one person like you when I was a teenager.

  197. Hey, I have mixed feelings with this post. I don’t really think you should be calling yourself ugly. I’m not much of a looker either, but I do admit to feeling ugly or fat sometimes. But never once did I become comfortable with that idea. In fact I think I should never, ever become comfortable with associating myself with the word ugly.

    If people thinks I’m ugly then screw them. What’s important is what I think, not theirs. Because at the end of the day, I’ll be the one judging myself. I tell myself I’m beautiful! I always believed that whatever I think will reflect on my actions, on my behavior. And eventually that’s what people will see. But if they still think I’m ugly, then they can have my big IDC attitude.

  198. My god at last a gal who talks straight! What a relief. The power of being completely authentic and loving ourselves despite the weird bits is a lost art. Oh and by the way you are allowed to claim the ugly label and I’m allowed to not agree with it – cool? Grand!

  199. I don’t find you ugly at all… I think as women we judge ourselves too harshly.
    Remember paintings from up until the late 1800′s the female form had full hips, thighs and tummies. The artists didn’t “enhance” their painting by leaving out curves and folds. Up until Twiggy a full, curvy women was the ideal body… for men it conveyed childbearing, deep down in their DNA it told them to seek this body type.
    A long time ago I took a part-time position at a gentleman’s club waiting tables. I saw this one dancer who she admittingly weighed 195. She did just as well as the girls who weighed 120. For two reasons (so I believe) 1) a full figured women is just what some men prefer 2) she was confident and her smile showed it.
    I think it’s all a matter of how we perceive ourselves. In turn, relays to how others perceive us.
    I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum. While expecting my second daughter I was placed on bed rest leading to a large weight gain during my pregnancy. I went from a size 6 to a size 18. I found that it didn’t affect how I was desired by others, it was just a different type of people was all.
    Even though at the time I felt bad about myself but I eventually didn’t. Of course several months later I hit the gym, lol but once I felt comfortable with myself I learned to enjoy my curves.
    I like your rosy cheeks! They say to others your healthy (and happy!)… just think, while other women pay to plaster on fake rosy cheeks, you have it naturally (lucky you, you naturally have what other women desire) and that means you can splurge on something else ;)
    Hair is just a tricky thing we must learn how to control, its all a matter of learning how :P
    I personally define ugly by someone’s peronality, demeanor, and attitude. I find rude, mean, egotistical, and self-centered (just to name a few) people ugly myself.
    Big hugs! Good Luck!

  200. I’m sure that the beauty of your personality is much greater than most. Having criticism throughout life makes you a stronger person. You have to be a barbie to be “pretty” in today’s society.

  201. i applaud for your spirit. the definition of the word ‘ugly’ or ‘beautiful’ is very subjective. it is only up to us to want to feel either one of those. the most important thing is how much of people’s opinion we would take seriously to make ourselves feel good. that’s all. it’s all comes down to self power to accept or reject. nothing more nothing less.

  202. I have to say that this post disappointed me because having seen your picture I genuinely think that you are not ugly and whilst yes you may we carrying more weight than most, I still cannot understand your self identifying as ugly. I do agree with the fact that ideas of body weight and attractiveness have changed throughout history but you are only paying into the idea that ‘unless you can check off certain boxes involving beauty’.

    If you are ugly then so am I… I am currently 20kgs overweight for my height, my natural hair colour does nothing for my pale complexion and lastly I feel I have eyes that are slightly too protuberant.

    People always comment that my sister is so beautiful and then look at me and there is an award pause.

    I might not fit a stereotype I refuse to self identify as ugly because unless you have some disfiguring disease no person is ugly.

    It is yet another way we are conditioned to devalue ourselves and others to keep others in a delusional elite group where they by luck of genes and the stars are deigned to be beautiful.

    Gilling YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Both aesthetically and as a person. Don’t appropriate the ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’ adjectives used by ignorant people. It is not true! (^o^)

  203. Interesting post btw ! I believe its just a matter of perspective . Have you tried experimenting ?Well, like changing societies or so .. You sure look like a Caucasian from the looks of it. Ugliness and beauty are just mere scales based on a society set standard. This standard sure varies tremendously across cultures and its proponents. Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly. BTW your eyes are just gorgeous ^^
    Bis später !
    Bisous

  204. I ablsolutely love your honesty; not just about self but about how others view self. Your level of intelligence is refreshing in a world full of idiots who can’t form a cohesive sentence. You very much remind me of myself many years ago. Now, as I get older and I am raising a daughter in this world, my prayer is that she has self esteem, no matter how the world views her. Outer beuaty is but an illusion. It is the inner beauty so many miss and that is a tragic loss. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. I think you are amazing.

  205. Exceptional post – and brave. I’ve met lots of good-looking people who were incredibly ugly on the inside, and plenty of pretty girls who were insecure and sucked up compliments like candy. You are in a class all your own – and beautiful.

  206. You should question that definition of beauty, not just allow it to define yours. Women are too often measured by their physical appearance, it’s a white man’s world after all, but we shouldn’t allow these terms to define us. Ugliness and beauty are opposing measurements, just two, and are so limiting and hurtful to our society. You don’t have to be one or the other.

  207. I recently gained a bunch of weight and I went from being a stupid, skinny, low self-esteemed teen to a curvy – dare I say fat – woman. I’m still struggling to come to terms with this term. I’m still struggling to admit it. This is the first time I’ve admitted it outside of my lamenting to my husband as I try and wiggle into jeans that were clearly not made for my size.

    I can work to lose weight, I understand, but would it just be to fit in with society’s perception of a “pretty girl”? Or would it be for me? I don’t know if I know anymore.

    I applaud you so much for knowing who you are.

  208. I have always considered myself ugly. Today, I felt as if I was in elementary school again as a girl made fun of my shoes. It broke my heart. I can remember the days when I was bullied as classmates called me “Velma” from Scooby-Doo. With glasses, a brain, and aesthetically displeasing features, how else could I have been known? I was a stick of a girl then and still am now, but being skinny does not make one beautiful. If anything, I look sickly. I really admire your appropriation of self. Everyone who read this post now sees you as beautiful because you are. Words are so powerful. Love this. Happy Thanksgiving.

  209. Accepting what and who you are is the very first step of learning how to love yourself.
    I super like your writing but I don’t find you ugly (no kidding here). You should also believe when some people would say that you are not ugly. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. I find you beautiful. And you’re smart too. Don’t think I’m just flattering you or that I’m a hypocrite. Please. I really do find you not ugly. :)

  210. Hi fatshionhustler, I think it’s normal, it’s humanbeing, I’m not pretty but I’m totally ok living with that, I think you feel the same way too. Instead, I use my imperfectioness to identify myself in a crowd. I really enjoy reading your blog :)

  211. Wow! Fashionhustler I read this and was amazed by your sense of identifying yourself. You identify with the term ‘ugly’ as I do with the term ‘Perfectly imperfect.’ Sometimes we get caught up in the physical so much that we don’t see that the truly unattractive are that way not because of their weight, size, gender, or anything physical. What makes a person ‘ugly’ in the negative sense is the fact that they are just spiritually negative and ugly. You are truly beautiful and I think you are like me. “Perfectly Imperfect” that makes you awesome and one of a kind. :)

  212. You know what darling, good for you. Thank you for being so real. The fact that you are so accepting of yourself means unlike others, you will have so much progression in your life. Like you said, the opinion of beauty is purely subjective and is never absolute. I hope yours will change from ugly full stop period but you accept how you feel and that is real. When you know yourself, you will love yourself. I know girls who look like super models that do not have the honesty, love and light heartedness about how they look. You are wonderful. Keep going. And that “pretty” or “ugly” is based on an opinion of what you can do with a brush. I am passionate about makeup. But its only makeup. You wash your face and the day does not set with it. You have to love what you see in the mirror regardless. Much love darling. xoxo

  213. Really well written post and interesting. It makes me feel uncomfortable, your addmittance. And maybe that’s why people try to deny your statement, not bacause it’s not true, because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Food for thought.

  214. What an amazing post! I love your bluntness, it’s so refreshing.

    Appearances are always discussed with a velvet glove and it’s really quite absurd. And it starts practically at birth, this obsession with appearance. I have a cousin who has a five-year-old daughter and she told me once that she asks people to stop complimenting her daughter on her appearance, because isn’t that what people always say? “Oh my, you are so cute!” or “Isn’t that a pretty dress?”

    I always struggled with my weight and felt like it was the one thing standing in the way of my happiness. I agonized so much my whole life until finally one day, I realized that I just shouldn’t care. It wasn’t my appearance that was making me unhappy but my obsession with what other people thought because that was ingrained in me from the start.

    When I let that go, I could finally start enjoying my life.

  215. You have a very refreshing way of looking at things. Thanks so much for sharing your ideas… they really add significantly to the overall conversation of appearance and identity!

  216. Thank you for your beautiful comment. I really appreciate it and I think you make some lovely and thought-provoking comments.
    I will not be approving your comment to appear on my post. If you read my ‘about’ section you’ll understand why, but I wanted you to know that I appreciated your comment all the same.

  217. I’m sorry. But I think if people start reading this kind of thing, they’ll get a bit of a misconception. Society as it is is already Self-concious of its appearance that they need validity of reassurance on what constitutes as being considered ‘Beautiful, pretty’…But I will say that I find it remarkable to come across someone who will not deny how they look. Saying this, I, as many others who have read your blog will disgree on what is “ugly”. Ugly to me is a nasty personality. One that does not take the road less travelled and does not think for itself. What I’m saying is. Just because you have allowed yourself to accept the skin you’re in, I hardly think putting yourself down and accepting that helps. You obvious don’t wish to change and that is great, no one should change what body they were given because of the demands of society/media…It’s always been forced on us from any early age and that is quite scary in itself. But accepting and loving yourself are two different things altogether.

  218. This is interesting, because you’re actually beautiful! And I am not just saying that to make you feel better about yourself, trying to be accommodating. I could have clicked out of here? :) The thing is that I get this statement: “…..because I am not stupid or blindly unaware of what society deems attractive in this day and age, and I know that I do not fit that mould (a mould that is actually not necessarily as restrictive as people may think).”

    I mean I think I do.

    So many women are not the silly standard that society tries to measure us against and are still beautiful. Society seems to have these really conservative, narrow standards for our gender that leaves so many women of color (when their traits are not Eurocentric), white women who are not impossibly thin, transgender, older, disabled women outside the approved check list. But beauty is definitely not as restrictive as they would have it. People appreciate different traits, and respond differently to stimuli because everyone has different histories (something I ‘think’ you alluded to).

    But I’m fine with it too, I say all the time to people in conversation – I am not society’s standard so I don’t expect certain types of reactions of those who carry the approved aesthetic. I describe myself with more words but essentially I’m saying the same thing I think, that I’m society’s standard of ‘ugly.’ It doesn’t mean anything to me, except society is on automatic and closed in it’s view of myself, you, too many of us.

    But society at large doesn’t have the last word, or honestly, not even the first.

  219. I have searching the internet for about a decade now looking for any references to the word “ugly” in describing women or attitudes toward women. Your blog is the first I have come across. My instinct is to be maternal and reply that you are adorable or that I love your hair. But I am so happy with your honesty about identifying as ugly that I will just appreciate this writing as it is. I have lost potential relationships and employment because I have been considered ugly by others. When I mention this to friends they accuse me of self pity. I end up discussing this with no one.
    Thanks again. I hope this conversation continues in many forms.

  220. Our world has come to equate fakeness with beauty – women are expected to change what they look like in order to be perceived as attractive. More power to those of us who have the courage to be who we really are!

  221. I just went to my 35th class reunion. Some people stopped going ten years ago because they said “I’m never going to look any better than this”. People were wearing a variety of evening clothes from sexy lace backless dresses to black leather pants. It is amazing how in going back, we revert to this immature focus on our appearance. I was a young beauty and am so grateful to have matured into the mighty mighty woman I am today. Skin deep beauty fades. THe kind inside lasts your whole life. THanks for heling people see that.

  222. This the truest and bravest blog I’ve ever seen. I fell for your personality and your spiritual sophistication with just reading a article of yours. I think most of us would agree that people are defined as ugly or pretty based on more than just look. I believe that we love pretty things out of our needs to be pleased. However, a more long-lasting and less hypocritic pleasure is brought by exactly what you had in your personality, which makes you way far from ugly. Thank you for sharing this.

  223. Way to love and appreciate every part of yourself! I have a hunch it’s more common in our society to nitpick and grow our insecurities than to step back and look at the bigger picture: your appearance plays a part in who you are. If you didn’t appreciate your appearance (which, I believe, is much more substantial than how other people perceive you) another beautiful part of your personality might not be there. Heavens know there are plenty of “beautiful” people with super snotty personalities.

  224. I do not understand young people who judge each other by their appearance. If you do not take shower, you may be criticized for that that, but the shape of the body, the colour of your eyes and hair are just your appearance. Thank YOU for your boldness.

  225. But you’re not ugly. I love that you put this up you seem like a very confident person and that’s beautiful in itself. When I look at someone I don’t look based on looks because looks are not what a person is about. I believe that its what is on the inside that counts. But I think its sweet that you put yourself out there because not a lot of people can do that.

  226. This message may appear to be a bit convoluted and random…I am very tired.
    First, I want to comment on your writing and this post…well done. Very well done.
    What I am about to type will likely be included in an upcoming blog post as I am currently working on one of this subject. Anyways back to the post – The word “fat” to me is a big trigger – as a teenager I was the “fat girl”, and truth be told I was as you say larger in girth. Interestingly, since losing a substantial amount of weight I have grown to HATE the word fat. Not criticizing your choice of words, each to their own. My reason for hating the word so much is that today’s society uses the word fat in such a condescending and mean-spirited way. I rarely use the word fat but when I do it is to describe a truly “ugly” person. Which brings me to my next point, ugly. I don’t know you from a hole-in-the-wall however, I am going on the assumption that you are not what I would consider to be “ugly”. Again I use the word so infrequently to describe people because of the harshness and implications. When I do use the term I think of people who are mean and generally just terrible people.
    As for your picture I think you have a cute impish grin and look like a really fun person. You remind me of a family member that I adore and think is beautiful. I think we, particularly as women, have been socialized to believe that beauty is one thing…a barbie doll. We have to look a certain way to be beautiful. It frustrates the hell out of me. As I said I was once a “fat girl” and worked my butt off (pun intended) to lose weight – it was hard work. 15yrs later and I had kept 70lbs of the 78lbs off and you know what I still had a shitty body image. Due to health complications lost a lot more weight and now I am on the verge of being underweight and after going back to work and rejoining society I hear “you look great” and I think “really this is what looks great?” I suppose it is the ribs and hip bones you can see that makes me attractive now? I have no idea. Getting side-tracked here but honestly I think society has gotten a warped sense of beauty. So much of what we covet and believe is based on what we see in beauty magazines and to some extent I am no different than most people but it still drives me crazy.
    You have more going for you based on this one blog post than most people I have met in my lifetime. Modern definition of beauty does not last but intelligence, wisdom, compassion and sophistication transcend fads (which is skin-and-bones). All of which you appear to have. I don’t know about you but I am curious to see what all the “pretty girls” will look like at 80…
    I wish you all the best and will definitely visit your blog again! Well done!

    • Thank you for the thought-provoking comment.
      I appreciate the compliment on my “impish grin”. Sadly I’m not as happy as I’d like to be (damned mental illness), but I am at the very least reasonably comfortable in my body; a process that took quite some time.
      As for the word “fat”, you certainly aren’t alone in hating it and avoiding the use of it. I try to use it to just be an antonym for “thin” rather than the added meanings that have become associated with it, but even I am a little offended when people call me fat, because when they do it is obvious that they mean it in a derogatory way.

  227. I love this. You are so brave to share your thoughts, and while we all see ourselves in different ways, it’s admirable that you’ve accepted your view of yourself and owned it. You’re an inspiration!

  228. First of all, I think you are beautiful. You should not let anyone ever put you down. There is someone out there for everyone. Have a good day :-)

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